Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Confusion in Enviroland

Everybody who knows me has, at one time or another, called me by my alter ego Nature Boy. Perhaps it was the big fro (for a mostly white guy) or perhaps it's just the way I smell. In any case, I tend to get all riled up on issues concerning the environment. Having abandoned the old stale model of environmentalism, instead focusing on market-based solutions, I often take great enjoyment in torturing my former brothers-in-arms, still dutifully slaving away for the cause, living on soybeans and brown rice. For the most part, they are all very serious about what they do. They live meager lives on purpose, to show their dedication to Gaia and to prove a point that I happen to agree with; that we need to live as efficiently as possible, so that our species can go on living for another two or three thousand years.

But there's the rub. Many in the movement don't want humans to be around for the next few millennia. Instead, they want us to be sacrificed at the alter of a vengeful Mother Goddess Gaia and to really teach us a lesson. In this camp we find groups like Earth Liberation Front, who have taken on the self-appointed role of Gaia's KGB, jealously guarding her honor, even if it means kicking her ass twice instead of once. This article will clarify my point:

Federal authorities strongly suspect that the Earth Liberation Front is responsible for a series of fires that have destroyed four multi-million dollar show homes in a suburb north of Seattle, sources told ABC News. Officials said the fires are being investigated as acts of domestic terror, but they cautioned that it's too early in the investigation to make any solid determinations. The blazes began before dawn Monday and were still smoldering by late morning.

So, in an effort to cleans the Earth of its burden of human filth, ELF has decided to have these massive homes built not once, but twice. Have these chode-punchers ever heard of insurance? Make no mistake, those homes will be rebuilt, just like all of the other ones they've torched, effectively doubling the impact on the Sacred People's Mother Goddess Chumalungma. This is to say nothing of the toxic burnt-plastic runoff that will surely find its way into the trout stream that they are "protecting". Brilliant, but then logic usually doesn't hold serve against emotion, especially when those emotions are being harbored by socially stunted, semi-homeless free loaders with nothing of importance to say.

This brings me to my second point. Where the hell is the Sierra Club or Greenpeace in all of this? Why no decisive denuciation of such senseless harm to the Mother Womb-Queen of Dirt? Could it be that, deep in the black, hardened enviro-heart, they are secretly cheering them on? Is this too many questions in a row?

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