Saturday, August 25, 2007

State-controlled Industry

Let's do this again:

When the State controls an entire industry, that industry will experience two things: shortages and a healthy black market. Utah is learning this about booze. Not that watery piss at 7-eleven. I'm talking about the delicious stuff that tastes as its creators intended.

Although there is no actual shortage of fluids of libation in this great country, the weird and unfathomable dance that Utah does with liquor has created an actual shortage of licenses. Yes licenses. They sport a quota system that's too stupid to quote, but it is being tapped at too fast of a pace to issue many more.

I'm not arguing against a state's right (or a county or city in some cases) to regulate unseemly and unsightly things such as liquor, nuclear waste, drugs and fat bitches, and while I'm a fairly strong federalist-dude, it is my duty as a drunk to point out things that piss me off. So I am posting a point-counterpoint to the top five standard issue arguments about Utah's lacivious libation and liquor laws:

1) If you don't like it, then leave. - Fuck off, I like it here.

2) Look over there, that other state/county/city has even more rediculous regs on liquor than Utah! - Yeah, they suck too.

3) These regs reflect the opinion of the majority of Utahns. -That's fine. Set that in stone. You should be aware of the "bite you in the ass" effect of such populist arguements. As the demographic constitution of this state continues to change, the majority opinions in Utah may just change. Then I will say to you "These regs reflect the opinion of the majority of Utahns".

4) So you have to go to the liquor mart to buy drink. Big friggin deal! - The selection, being controlled by the state, sucks ass.

5) Making people do a little dance discourages people from lascivious behaviour. - Maybe. We do know it greatly enriches our neighbors in Evanston and Wendover. Just go count the Utah license plates when you enter those locales. The levels of contraband entering the state at any given point probably rivals the Texan Border towns, although laden with different cargo. It's simple economics. Three or four trips to Evanston saves, depending on level of alcoholism, hundreds of dollars a year to intrepid shoppers.

A parting note: you think we would've won WWII without Churchill getting his gallon of scotch per day? I think not. I know it's a lame argument, but I get to say things like that because I'm arguing with myself here.

I love talking to myself. I always win that way.

Noah: I don't drink, but I agree with Sean. Making people go to state liquor stores or Wyoming is ridiculous. I hate the state liquor stores. I buy stuff for cooking every once in a while and somehow I always feel like a criminal in there. It's like buying your booze at the DMV.

Any true Conservative should hate the situation in Utah. When is a government monopoly ever a good idea? The law does nothing but cause hassle, expense, and annoyance for taxpayers.


Sean, I have a solution. Let's go into business together making moonshine and bathtub gin.

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