Thursday, June 14, 2007

Rethinking Illegal Immigration

All the recent debate about illegal immigrants has failed to answer one vital question: where can I get some?

I’m moving Saturday, my brothers are lazy, my fellow INFDL’s all live in distant cities . . . so who can help me move? The natural answer is “illegal immigrants”. The problem is that I can’t find any for love or money.

When I lived in California all you had to do was go out to the Home Depot or U-Haul and there were always tons of day laborers. Even here in Provo you used to be able to find a small group of them huddled near Will’s Pit Stop. But they’re all gone.

I’ve been told that it’s because the job market in Provo is so hot that all the illegals have regular nine to fives and none of them have to resort to day labor anymore.

This is a tragedy. I look at my absurdly heavy television and shudder. I wonder if there are enough good shows to justify moving it. Unfortunately there are. The Sopranos may over but we still have the Office, 30 Rock, Conan, Little Britain, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Heroes, Rescue Me, Flight of the Conchords, and Entourage. Damn it, I’ll have to bring the TV with me.

Wyatt helped me move it in, but he didn’t seem to enjoy it and he’ll probably be in hiding on Saturday.

I’ve long been a strong opponent of illegal immigration, but now that the lack of illegal immigrants is about to lead to a severe spinal cord injury I will have to rethink this position.

I have found myself mournfully humming the song “Deportee” by the Highway Men.

(If you haven't seen it yet, go to HBO's Flight of the Conchords Page and watch the first episode. HILARIOUS!)

Sean says: Noah, I am sorry you couldn't find a little help when you needed it. Our immigration policy has failed you. Wyatt deserves a burrito and some horchada for his hard work with your television.

I do have to say that if we really enforced our laws, we would no longer have any good food in America. Really, all the really good cooks from Mexico are in Utah right now...Stewing delicious goat with mole. MMmmmmm. And I can't imagine my life without the taco stand at the corner of North Temple and 900 West. Or for that matter any one of the finest restaurants in the state.

Therein lies the truth about the current state of affairs: nobody in Washington or America wants to lose their favorite restaurants. For from fine-dining down to the corner stands, everybody in this country knows the act: wondering how good a place is to eat? Peak in the kitchen. No Mexicans? Run.

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