Wednesday, December 05, 2007


I am a codfish. I have been tied up in a work project and must apologize for the lack of posting. I will continue to be tied up for a while and will be posting sporadically, but Noah's posts have been excellent and negate my lack of sophomoric mumblings.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Hitler had Gas

And really bad gas at that. He was also an avowed pseudo-vegan, which makes an amount of poetic sense. Vegans are Nazis.

Exit question: Did Hitler's flatulence make him the anti-Christ, or did being the anti-Christ give him flatulence? Because if it's the former, I shall soon conquer France.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Blah Blah Blah ENRON! Blah Blah

That's basically how every conversation that involves energy goes when being dicussed with a commie. Doesn't matter if we're talking about a new technology, efficiency, energy politics, or subsidies, "Enron" has been to the energy debate what "Halliburton" has been to the war debate. It's the final say, the ultimate debate ender.

Problem is, it turns out the whistle-blower is a fraud. Kudos to USA Today for forgoing, however momentarily, more stories on Brittany's vagina and getting to some real reporting.

A short history: Enron was a bunch of crooked sewer-dwellers who made lots of money manipulating the energy markets. They're out of business and people are in jail. Period. Since then, Enron has been the calling card for everybody from the anti-deregulation clowns to the anti-"clean coal" technology advocates in the Sierra Club. All of this bothers me nicht. What bothers me is Sarbanes-Oxley, which the Enron debacle created, along with Worldcom, Tyco and a clueless Congress.

SOX can be blamed for the massive outflight of IPOs to London and Hong Kong, among other nasty side-effects. It can also be partly blamed for the lack of movement of alternative energy ideas to the mainstream in this country. It's just a lot more business friendly for new upstart technologies to go where the regulatory nightmare machine can't destroy them. I am constantly reminded of this fact when I read of new alternative tech companies whose first forays into the market are almost always in Europe or the second/third world.

The same enviro groups that lauded SOX can be blamed for the massive nightmare that any car maker must endure to bring a new, high-efficiency model to market in the USA. One example of many would be Volkswagen, who have a 70 mpg diesel model that is already on the road in Europe. It will take VW many years to bring this puppy to us, all the while kicking out a fortune into the bureaucratic nightmare that is the US DOT, EPA and various other alphabet soup agencies. What? Did he just say that environmentalist have kicked their own ass so they can feel publicly righteous about the evils of the free market? Yup. That's also why I don't work with them anymore.

The Sacred Keeper of our Safety

Al Gore is probably stoked as hell that he didn't succeed in Florida in 2000. He's gotten hella wealthy being the soothsayer. "The ides of March", he says, sipping Mai Tais on a private jet. Good for him. He now joins such luminaries as Jimmy "Malaise" Carter, Yassir "Chode Puncher" Arafat and Rigoberta "Fake but not Accurate" Menchu, as keepers of the most worthless pat on the back ever invented.

He won't run for Prez, thank the devil, because even the devil wouldn't turn down a gazzillion dollars in the "private" sector to be the world's whipping boy. I'm not saying that anthropogenic global warming isn't real, just that the data is heavy on computer models and a light on actual beakers-and-bunsen-burners research. You know, the way Edison and Tesla (those swarthy dreamers) used to do it.

You see, we're supposed to take what the models say as if it were followed by "Thus saith the lord", but you know what? That Eubanks bastard isn't accurate out beyond 48 hours, let alone thirty years.

Update: I've ordered Lomborg's newest and can't wait. His Sceptical Environmentalist was a great read, if not completely accurate.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Turkish Troofer Movement

I guess the sickness is spreading. The house moves to condemn the Armenian Genocide of 1915. Turkish Communists are wiggin':

the youth branch of the extreme leftist Workers’ Party laid a black wreath at the entrance to the United States Embassy and spray-painted the Turkish flag onto an Embassy wall. The group held Turkish flags, posters of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, the founder of the Turkish Republic, and banners reading, “Armenian genocide is an imperialistic lie,” the Anatolian agency reported.

This is why I like the resolution. Anything that pisses off groups with titles like "Workers’ Party" makes me horny. Also, Turkey is an "ally" that refused to allow us to fly through their space in the initial invasion of Iraq. They just elected an Islamist as President. Screw them. I'm sick of us pandering to our second-world allies. They should be pandering to us and begging for us not to vaporize them.

But interesting how useless this whole gambit is: us condemning the Armenian Genocide while ignoring the dozen or so genocides that came afterwards. How about a resolution condemning the Khmer Rouge or Mao? No no no, their hearts were on the right place.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

We and They

Frank J. distills it like no other. It begins thus:

Katie Couric said that using "we" when referring to America makes her uncomfortable. That's stupid and I hate her.

Me too.

Friday, September 21, 2007

See ya Dre

Fantastic. Now we have it all laid out before us:

Andre Kirilenko wants out from under Sloan. Scratch that, AK wants out from under Deron Williams. Er, AK wants out from under the Jazz system. Hell who can even follow what this disturbed young man has floating around his strange Sputnik-shaped melon.

Let me relate a rough observation from the 2003-2004 season, when Andre was "the Man" for the Jazz, even making the all-star team. On many occasions that year, I watched Adre tank it on purpose because Mo Williams or Raja Bell (or whoever), took more shots than him in a game. It happened all the time. You'd see Dre wind up to block a shot and pull back at the last minute or some shit. He'd then mope around the court like he was on a different planet. Like all of last year. Friggin clown.

A word to the Jazz: Sit on your thumbs, call his bluff and see if he'll really walk away from that contract if the Jazz don't trade him. ESPN lays out the odds on that one.

Update: Deron calls him out. Rips on his works ethic and shot. Well, judging by his stringy body over the years, AK definitely hasn't been ripping the weights. I think Deron is one of the great ones. Friggin P.I.M.P.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Rage

It's still here in all its original power. Alas, it won't go away. A therapist would probably instruct me "exercise" it by writing a letter and burying it or some bullshit. Instead, I harbor it and keep it in a safe place. On purpose.

We constantly say things like "Never Forget", but we always do to some degree. We can't help it. The human mind is hard-wired to drop significant potions of difficult memories. This is how we deal with trauma, by personalizing it. This is why we constantly recall where we where at the time, much like the generation before us remembers with vivid detail, where they where when JFK was assassinated by a Communist extremist.

For some, the only objective is to "get beyond" events like these. I have a friend who, upon my inquiry of his thoughts bout 9/11 six years removed, explained to me "No, I don't think about it. Why would I dwell upon something that happened six years ago? I've got enough shit to worry about in my own life." For a few minutes, I strongly considered smacking him across the face, but I refrained. But maybe I should have. He had just unconsciously repeated what is surely the rallying cry of my generation: It doesn't matter. I'm not dead and neither is my family so it just doesn't matter. This is a sickness. Not only does it show an inability to see past ones ten foot person visual sphere, it illustrates an ignorance of the historically unprecedented, absolutely charmed existence that we live in the modern day. It illustrates how the vast majority of the current generation believes that this charmed existence is a natural birthright, handed down to them from the universe because they simply deserve it. To them, it wasn't born of fire and blood and treasure. It exists in spite of those things. It goes beyond Nihilism, or Narcissism to belie a truth about this generation that is as scary as 9/11 itself: it's suicidal.

So here we are, six years later on and no more cohesive as a nation than Belgium. Some believe that what we need is another 9/11 to really pull us together. What a crock of shit. People have made their decision. All another 9/11 would do is create a more deluded batch of conspiracy theorists and table-side psychologists and we don't need any more of either. A good start would be a discontinuation of our nations more macabre suicidal tendencies. How do we do that? Teach them history. Of all of the failures of our education system, there is not one that comes close to the failure to teach history and the critical thinking skills to interpret history in context. After all, what is a conspiracy theorist (which is the majority of our generation, believe me on this) but someone who can't seem to separate reality from fantasy? They simply can't process that things like 9/11 can really happen without a cheesy political thriller story line being present. It is a direct failure of historical knowledge and contextual thinking skills.

This week, I can guarantee that you will be outraged by the sight of some clown on TV declaring this or that about 9/11 and our nation and those who defend it. I would recommend we resist the urge to punch them in the face and take that rage and put it in the same spot that you reserve for the remembrance of this day. Six years later, it still resonates an internal dissonance as beautiful, complex and powerful as Ligeti's Second Quartet (songs 10-13 on the Amazon sampler), which is my choice for the day. Admittedly, it can be a little hard to swallow at first but it might be the perfect allegory for our confused brothers and sisters inability to swallow reality when it resembles a video game.

TommAy adds:
Pure excellanz, Nature Boy. The way that many have acclimatized themselves to the most insane thing to ever happen on American streets, normalizing it such that they don’t have to carry the burden of knowing that easy American living is now extremely fragile, has led me to believe that if one of our cities, say Minneapolis or St. Louis or any other city not immediately on everybody’s minds, was suddenly vaporized by 60 year old technology, that that new reality too would be mostly purged from their consciousness within about a year’s time, so as to continue the delusion that nothing in their state-of-being has to change and that all things shall remain convenient. Pure and simple, it’s laziness with some retardation involved. I think one of the definite factors that Pearl Harbor unconditionally united the country back then was that that generation had just come through the great depression, and were anything but lazy, taking for granted nothing, even their food to eat. There is something to be said for working for everything you’ve got. The spoiled generation started with the Boomers, and sadly continues. Much of the anti-war movement, in my personal opinion, can be explained by this.
Siegfried’s Funeral March from Wagner is a fitting one as well.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Patraeus and the Defeatists

Patraeus is on the hot seat right now and doing a fine job. He's obviously a student of war, specifically counterinsurgency, and his changes in strategy have nowhere born more fruit than in Anbar, where Totten continues his unparralelled independant work in Iraq.

I can't help but think that this current political theater surrounding Patraeus is just that, political theater. It's largely a stage for entrenched politicians to bark out platitudes on CSPAN. Most interesting will be the reaction of those whose heads will be on a platter with an apple stuffed in their grill by Kos should they acknowledge the progress that has been made recently.

Oh, how I love watching the idiots break-dance around their serpentine Iraq policy stances, which seem to change daily. And I remain convinced that this session of Congress will go down in the books as the most inept of the last half-century.

Oh no! Not the Mighty Mos!

Warning: this post is way too long and swears a lot.

Crap. One of my all-time favorites must now be written off as DTM- Dead To Me (tm).... Er, Maybe just his current shitty album, not previous ones as I hold Blackstar too close to my heart. I'm confused and hurt right now, but as a tried and true Hip-Hop fan and musician, it causes great pain for me to utter the following words:

HIP-HOP IS DEAD. As a mainstream phenomena that is. Or at least it's coughing and wheezing it's way back to obscurity, where it belongs and I mean belongs in a good way. Let me explain myself:

Mos Def, Common and Talib were great partly because they weren't Lil' John or 50 cent. There was something exciting about them when they had the urgency and vibrancy (read: chips on their shoulders) of youth. Rhymes about the difficulties of life rang honest, even if I knew they were mostly framed by bullshit. They were speaking of their experience. Now they are not speaking of their experience, because rhymes about the sparkling new estate in the Hamptons only work for people like Snoop Dogg, who, in fairness, has been mining that territory since the beginning.

Hip-Hop is and always has had a large dose of fraud mixed in with its sincerity. Open mindedness was always the catchphrase, but the message is undercut by the clarity with which Hip-Hop discriminates. There are no female MC's or DJ's worth talking about. Many are patently antisemitic, as Mos Def himself expresses on The New Danger- "The tall white Jew is running this rap shit". They generally deride homosexuals, as Common states in Like Water for Chocolate- "In the circles of faggots, your name is mentioned". And of course, they deride their main audience, white people (too many references to mention).

All of this doesn't necessarily make their art moot, as it is the raw expression and flow of words over bad ass beats that can be downright moving, not necessarily the message. It just gets a bit tiresome when you realise that these millionaires think they're being "oppressed".

So, on the bright side, maybe it'll continue as it truly should, as an under-the-radar idiom free to be what it wants, like Jazz is now; no longer selling millions of albums, but with fine musicians kicking out some fine material, with much of jazz being more free and important than ever.

So with any luck, Hip-Hop will not end, it will simply evolve past its cro magnon beginnings, recess back to the shadows where it belongs and become brilliant again.

Update: Mos Def's screed is strangely reminiscent of this Chapelle piece on jury duty.


It could be argued that the current set of ridiculous campaign finance reform laws, you know, the ones that killed McCain's presidential run, not only infringe on the solemn right of Americans to belittle the fuckers in DC, but open the door to incredible feats of cheesy Chinese pulp fiction.

Guys with names like “Shrimp Boy” Kwok Chow and Winkle Paw. A delirious Chinese man on Amtrak running around mumbling nonsense in his underwear. A "rubber glove" business. Child prostitution rings and heroin dealers. The Freemasons. Hillary Clinton.

This one's a real popcorn popper and I'll be back in a minute with a big buttery bag of Orville.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

OBL/OLBY Convergence

Alas, another shameful embarrassment for the Left. Sans the shame of course. There is no shame left on the Left.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Back from the bowels of the Earth

I just got back from a place in a remote corner of the great state of Idaho (been there since last Thursday). I've been going there for five years now and really enjoy the place. I figured I'd post some pictures to balance out the negative gay-bathroom pub our neighbor to the north has seen as of late:

Really weird formations and lighting effects are the norm:
If you look really closely at the bottom of the dry river bed, you can see my compadre Mike. He's the little yellow dot:

I did make a few new friends down there. I am here to testify that none of them tapped their feet in "that" way:

I'm now in re-entry/decompression mode and trying to gather the willpower to open my inbox to see the hundreds of unopened messages about whatever crap was important last week. I think I'll have a beer instead.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


Okay, has anybody else noticed lately the relationship between big huge sunglasses and really dumb bitches? Here in Florida, the relationship has been found to be this: the bigger the sunglasses, the dumber the bitch...

There’s a huge condo crash at the moment in Florida, so we’ve now got a whole load of carpetbaggers/transplants (i.e. New York greasebags, and some real one-percenters from Jersey--link NOT SAFE for work) who came here to get rich quick by investing hundreds of thousands of dollars in uncompleted condos, and who are now unable to hold on to their high-priced South Beach trophy slutbuckets because they can’t even afford to fill up their Hummers. Now, I’m no economist, but doesn’t it affect the rest of us, as it affects the wider economy, when tens of thousands of these bozos take out huge loans and then default en masse? But I’ll let one of these Einsteins defend himself:
"All my guys in New York were like, 'Yeah, flipping condos in Miami.' It was a sexy commodity, and it was fun to make money."
So I was up in Tennessee this past week visiting my sister while I had other family in town. I visited the local place of historical interest called the Carter House, a little inconspicuous vintage looking house on the main road in Franklin, TN. Turns out it was the epicenter of the Battle of Franklin: a five-hour long battle that constituted “the bloodiest few hours of the entire American Civil War,” and the death blow to one of the South’s two main Armies (six southern generals were killed there). The curator there gave an amazing tour and description of the events; one of those rare personalities with expertise and animation. There weren’t any of the surrounding houses back then, just surrounding. Now it’s just a two acre, non-federally owned property, and on top of the list of most endangered Civil War battle sites. One very interesting story, among about 10 others, from the tour: two officers, one from each side, had become engaged in a personal contest with each other for some reason (I cannot remember what the curator said was the reason). Unable to see amidst all the thick smoke, they were hunting each other. The southern officer then appeared from out of the smoke, shooting the federal officer in the chest with a revolver. The federal then ran the confederate through with a saber, mortally wounding him, but as he fell down to die, shot the federal officer in both kneecaps. The federal officer, having lived through it, became the father of the great WWII general Douglas MacArthur--just a hair’s difference then and there might have completely altered history. Strange that is.

Sean: Wow, I didn't know that about Macarthur. Great point about how history constantly hangs on a dime, TommAy. Just think if Peter Ivy had succeeded with cold fusion for the chemistry merit badge.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Belated Scheisse

Hey fellas. How’s it (and they) hangin? I think I remember Noah’s diarrhea-speed output on the blog a couple years back was attributed to being ass bored at work. Well, that be the damn truth! I am one bored wegro right now, so I'ma get started expressin’ maself.

I got started on a lengthy review of a Libertarian convention more than a month ago, but became so bored doing it that I got an old man’s wang for blogging. So I’m just going to paste it unfinished and not deal with it anymore, so that my junk will remain crunck (to maintain virility in the johnson) for blogging. I will then post some of my other musings from the past little while.

Went to a Libertarian conference in Las Vegas this past week; 3 full days of speeches by anarchists, those who like to think that they are anarchists, and conservatives who tend to like the "Libertarian" label more (there were also a number of speakers of other persuasions speaking on other topics, including, humorously, a tiny shrimp of a British guy describing himself as "a hard core Darwinist"). Anyway, the highlight of the whole deal was a Libertarian vs. Conservative debate on foreign policy and Iraq between Ron Paul and Dinesh D'Souza. Ron Paul was joined by Doug Casey, a true anarchist and apparent non-believer in the Constitution. D'Souza was joined by Larry Abraham, a life-long Libertarian who supports the Bush Doctrine. Simply put, D'Souza owned Ron Paul and co. The Libertarian side did make some good points (common-sensical reasoning but severely outdated for this conflict), but I couldn't even believe some of the other stuff that passed as worthy of our consideration. This Doug Casey guy, savvy investor sensei he may be, could have been the worst arguer I've ever heard (apart from those who resort to lies to make their points). For example, this is, verbatim, what passed as serious debate material from this dude: "And let's bring home all our troops from all foreign bases, all they do is bring home bad habits anyways!" Great reason, you dimwitted old fart! I do have a great deal of respect for Ron Paul though, if not for his views, then because the guy is principled to the core, as opposed to the flaccid penises who make up 98% of the reps in DC. Larry Abraham was good too, his best point being, basically (and simply) that, "all the foreign policy and other bullshit from the past 90 years does not matter. All that matters is the hand we are dealt right now." On the way out I overheard some real numbskulls patting themselves on the back as they regurgitated one of Ron Paul's talking points-- that over the past 50 years the largest percentage of suicide bombings have been in Sri Lanka (or some other bullshit that I don't even care to remember), and those cases have nothing to do with America, and so terrorism is all just being overblown. Hey, let's see what happens to that percentage when we only consider the last 10-15 years, DICKHEADS!!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

State-controlled Industry

Let's do this again:

When the State controls an entire industry, that industry will experience two things: shortages and a healthy black market. Utah is learning this about booze. Not that watery piss at 7-eleven. I'm talking about the delicious stuff that tastes as its creators intended.

Although there is no actual shortage of fluids of libation in this great country, the weird and unfathomable dance that Utah does with liquor has created an actual shortage of licenses. Yes licenses. They sport a quota system that's too stupid to quote, but it is being tapped at too fast of a pace to issue many more.

I'm not arguing against a state's right (or a county or city in some cases) to regulate unseemly and unsightly things such as liquor, nuclear waste, drugs and fat bitches, and while I'm a fairly strong federalist-dude, it is my duty as a drunk to point out things that piss me off. So I am posting a point-counterpoint to the top five standard issue arguments about Utah's lacivious libation and liquor laws:

1) If you don't like it, then leave. - Fuck off, I like it here.

2) Look over there, that other state/county/city has even more rediculous regs on liquor than Utah! - Yeah, they suck too.

3) These regs reflect the opinion of the majority of Utahns. -That's fine. Set that in stone. You should be aware of the "bite you in the ass" effect of such populist arguements. As the demographic constitution of this state continues to change, the majority opinions in Utah may just change. Then I will say to you "These regs reflect the opinion of the majority of Utahns".

4) So you have to go to the liquor mart to buy drink. Big friggin deal! - The selection, being controlled by the state, sucks ass.

5) Making people do a little dance discourages people from lascivious behaviour. - Maybe. We do know it greatly enriches our neighbors in Evanston and Wendover. Just go count the Utah license plates when you enter those locales. The levels of contraband entering the state at any given point probably rivals the Texan Border towns, although laden with different cargo. It's simple economics. Three or four trips to Evanston saves, depending on level of alcoholism, hundreds of dollars a year to intrepid shoppers.

A parting note: you think we would've won WWII without Churchill getting his gallon of scotch per day? I think not. I know it's a lame argument, but I get to say things like that because I'm arguing with myself here.

I love talking to myself. I always win that way.

Noah: I don't drink, but I agree with Sean. Making people go to state liquor stores or Wyoming is ridiculous. I hate the state liquor stores. I buy stuff for cooking every once in a while and somehow I always feel like a criminal in there. It's like buying your booze at the DMV.

Any true Conservative should hate the situation in Utah. When is a government monopoly ever a good idea? The law does nothing but cause hassle, expense, and annoyance for taxpayers.


Sean, I have a solution. Let's go into business together making moonshine and bathtub gin.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Something that looks bad from a distance... usually going to be bad up close. I wasn't planning on seeing September Dawn because the previews made it look like a Lifetime Network battered wife show with Meredith Baxter-Berney being replaced by the Fancher party and John Voight as the monstrous husband.

I may change my mind now that it is being reviewed as one of the worst films of the last 30 years. The New York Times puts it thus:

But these aspects are eclipsed in the film by the Mormons’ Snidely Whiplash-like treachery. Their evil is established in an early sequence that cross-cuts between two dinner-table prayers: the travelers wishing the Mormons well, and Jacob urging God to please send Satan’s children to hell, amen — in a grimly righteous tone that begs for the punch line, “Now please pass the ham.”

Now this is starting to pique my interest. An anti-Mormon Reefer Madness? Pretty much:

Cain has turned the Mormons into baby-eatin’ Nazis to suit his argument, parading around these black-clad, chin-bearded, testicle-slicing gunslingers without any thoughtful consideration. To Cain, the Mormons were hulking, borderline insane fundamental gorillas who flung excrement at anyone daring to besmirch the name of Joseph Smith (played by…oh man…Dean Cain), and led around on a dog collar by a Zod-like deity in Brigham Young.

And when you have the Village Voice defending Mormons, you've a certified historical anomoly, up there with the original Dream Team and discovery of a very much alive Elizabeth Smart:

September Dawn has the ham-fisted lyricism of political ads and pharmaceutical commercials.

With renewed Mormo-phobia being bandied about thanks to the Romney run, it's interesting that the filmmakers have been running around proclaiming this movie to be a warning about all forms of religious fanaticism. Of course, they didn't have the courage to make a flick about, oh say, Beslan.

So Hollywood gets to smack around a slow-moving and harmless target, secure in the knowledge that they will not be subjected to Fatwas or stabbings. This is modern courage.

I have to see this, so I will be the official INFDL guinea pig, plug my nose and plop down six bux to wade through this dogshit flick. Now that's courage.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Don't Rock the Vote

Noah pointed out a few weeks ago how we really shouldn't be encouraging kids who can't identify America on a map to vote. Or youth who know what Crunk is, but Federalism not so much. In fact, I'd preffer P-Pufster-Pantaloons-Diddy himself to die before he votes too.

Now, now. I'm not talking about denying these clowns their rights, just maybe hiding them a little. McCain Feingold could be adjusted ever so slightly so that instead of blatantly protecting incumbency and infringing on free speech, we ensure that Lil John doesn't get the write-in candidacy locked up every year.

The words vote, ballot and other electiony words would only be uttered on stations like C-Span or PBS and would be strictly prohibited on MTVs 1-13 and the Cartoon Network within six months of an election.

A more eloquent opinion on the matter can be found here.


Nobody needs to know this, I don't care if it's true.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Monday, August 20, 2007


I've often wondered why Afghanistan's cash crop can't be put to use as a supply for the multi-billion dollar medical opiate market, ala Turkey in the early 80's. Instead, we are actively destroying thousands of acres of the only real income-producer in Southern Afghanistan and in the process empowering our enemies there with a lucrative black market cash source for the continued slaughter of locals and NATO troops.

This guy has a few ideas about the possibility of drastically reducing the inordinate amount of economic power our current strategy in Afghanistan has created for the bad guys.

It would be a good start, but why not consider other places in the world where our snazzy War on Drugs has empowered some really shady dudes. Like, say, our southern border. I would love to see some data on the exponential increase in border crossings since the 1980's with its attendant crime wave. I'm more than curious to see if the advent of drug paranoia helped create that beast. Anybody else wonder if one of the many elephants in the room, along with political chaos in Mexico and the ineptitude of our bureaucracy in handling immigration effectively, is our obsession with looking "tough on drugs"?

Update: Volokh Conspiracy has a good post on this (Via Instapundit).

The Transformation

I've never been able to rightly describe my personal transformation in the aftermath of 9/11. I've touched on it a few times, but never put it to paper in any comprehensive manner. This guy (at the damned Guardian, no less) nails it in a way that almost scared me in it's similarity to my experience. Read all three parts if you don't feel like being productive at work for a couple of hours.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Coal mining is an ugly and thankless job...

and if it weren't for those who do it, we wouldn't be pontificating endlessly online about whatever pet concern we have for the day. I hope they find those guys and I hope those rescuers are remembered for their sacrifice. We'll be tippin' one back tonight in their honor. The SL Trib has the ongoing drama covered pretty good.

But he was ELECTED, man...SLuuuurrp, cough...Halliburton..

Hugo Chavez has now declared himself the supreme ruler of Venezuela. Super. It will be interesting to see how his sycophants will react to this latest development. Anyone for some bong-accentuated twister? (Thanks, Charles Johnson, hallowed be thy name).

Update: Took me thirteen seconds to find a lunatic over there who loves her Chavez cherizo! Oh, how the ignorant seem to think alike.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Satan Has Left the Building

Olympus High's most notorious alum has called it quits and the tinfoil hat brigade is out in full force at the Salt Lake Tribune. Apparently, the very men who made this monster are ashamed of their creation:

The former Utahn excelled in the realm of politics, rising to President Bush's deputy chief of staff. But he never learned the ethics of the game, says J.D. Williams, a former U. political science professor who taught Rove. "He certainly demonstrated a command and love for politics," Williams, a Democrat, said Monday. "He loved politics. [But he] missed out on the other critical aspect of it and that was . . . the ability to play the game fairly and with honor."

You see, the game in Washington is all about playing "fairly and with honor". Right. When I think of Washington, I think of it being all "fair and with honor" and shit. No more comment on that one.

I've never quite understood the fervor with which the left hates this man, who was an excellent electioneer, as evidenced by his ability to repeatedly win for the prez despite the big man's inability to speak English and a certifiably shiddy policy guy, as evidenced by the big man's many craptastic ventures into big government. Is the source of hatingness the Voodood Majik he whipped out in 2000 and 2004? I certainly once thought so, but I think it goes deeper. A small sampling of the rabid Rove-Haterz over at the Trib:

powerofone: 8/14/2007 4:29:00 AM
Rove was nothing more than a political hit man for the republican mafia. His job was to take out the opposition. He excelled. Now he must pay for his indescretions.

booker: 8/14/2007 10:21:00 AM
Creep, no other word for this jerk. Ruin our country, will be years before this great country can recover if ever from all the damage this cretin and GWB had done to it. All in the name of power! Ruin lives, taken lives (mistake of war, Iraq) ethics, this quy doesn't know the meaning of the word. He has none. I like what a guy said on Countdown last night, with this guy gone from the White House, it's lame brain, instead of Bush's brain.

Why do angry leftist always sound like either Darth Vader or Gomer Pile on human growth hormones? Bad spelling, heavy breathing, black cape, etc.

One positive: I think I've just chosen my Halloween costume. I'll get really fat and keep my hair a little too long, get that Rove-style chemotherapy hairdo and lurk in the shadows. And I'll only trick-or-treat on the east side of Salt Lake for full effect.

Noah: The reason they hate him so much is because they think Bush is a retard. And you can't really hate a retard (although, come to think of it, they do) but you can hate the person who gives a retard the nuclear football. Also, the Left is addicted to conspiracy theories, and in any good conspiracy theory there is a front man (Bush) and then the shadowy figure behind that man. They decided a long time ago that Rove was the puppet master.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

"President Bush Hangs His Head in Shame for His Crimes Againgst Everything"

That's what the headline should read for this little kicker from the AP/NYT. The message is clear: Bush is personally responsible for our failing infrastructure for the last thirty years. I don't know how, but we all know it's true, right? Notice how the media projects its vile shame fantasy by carefully selecting the photographs that are attached to stories:

Looking down camera-left, biting lip, head bowed and heavy with the guilt of obvious sins. Sins we all know about.

But the award for most adventurous and clever blaming of Bush goes to the Chicago Tribune, who manage to tie Muslim-backlash exploitation, 9/11 and the Minneapolis bridge-collapse into one quivering suicide-stew of Bush blaming. Beautiful and absurd at the same time. Like Woody Allen.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Movie Review- Little Dieter Needs to Kick Some Ass

Werner Herzog is famous for his almost B-movie disregard for special effects and slow-motion over-theatrics. His better films (Aguire the Wrath of God, Grizzly Man, Fitzcarraldo, etc.) have instead relied upon the sheer scale of natural setting, escalating madness and human isolation to convey his ideas. At his best, he can put the viewer directly into the impossible surroundings of his mad-man characters, whether it be Klaus Kinski or Timothy Treadwell. At his worst, he can put you in the car driving home half-way through a really boring movie about a Jewish wrestler-strongman guy (from what I can remember). Thankfully, his lapses into the latter are rarely the case.

Rescue Dawn is the story of Dieter Denglers' real-life imprisonment and escape from a Laotian prison camp in the run-up to full blown conflict in Vietnam. He is the only American survivor of the Laotian camps as detailed in Herzog's 1997 Documentary Little Dieter Needs to Fly. His story is friggin incredible.

Christian Bale and the usually comedic Steve Zahn form an on-screen friendship as genuine as I can remember. Bale once again makes Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise look like zit-faced Degrassi Junior High actors and Zahn should be nominated for best supporting role for his incredibly real take on a man who has had the life sucked out of him, but not quite all of it.

But the most pleasant surprise of all has to be Herzog. His matter-of-fact style is still at the forefront, but the film almost has a decidedly sunny bent about it that I have never before seen him display. The jungle scenes have an awesome majesty (no surprise here, as Herzog has a storied history of jungle films), but he almost always balances the claustrophobic jungle-struggles with bits of humor or almost religious appreciation of the incredible natural landscape. He never lets the joy sink out of the film and pays scant attention to the obvious torture that Dengler endured. Many contemporary directors would undoubtedly be lured into the trap of showing, with great glee and close-up detail, the various cliched and obvious offenses.

As a fan of Herzog, I was struck with the tone of the film. There is no introspective moment of the realization of the horrors inflicted upon innocent indigenous peoples of Laos. No scenes of guilty stuffed-suit white senators drooling over the prospects of slaughtering more innocents (I find it sad to say that I fully expect modern movies to preach to the viewer constantly about the various and sundry evils of our country), but Herzog makes an obvious choice not to take the conventional route. Instead he tells an inspiring story, stripped of bullshit and in all its patriotic glory. That's also why it won't get any awards.

Pickled fish rating: Four kipper snacks out of four. Best flick yet in 2007.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Preserving the Cultural Heritage of Africa

Does somebody at the Onion read INFDL? Don't be silly, but this is really funny anyway. Most important observation:

"We don't want to introduce plumbing, electricity and housing and doorknobs because that's going to take away what it means to be inherently African"

Straight out of Taiwan

This scene displays the current crop of clown-bags "in charge" of Congress in full regalia. The Politico gives more detail (via Instapundit):

The rancor erupted shortly before 11 p.m. as Rep. Michael R. McNulty (D-N.Y.) gaveled close the vote on a standard procedural measure with the outcome still in doubt.
Details remain fuzzy, but numerous Republicans argued afterward that they had secured a 215-213 win on their motion to bar undocumented immigrants from receiving any federal funds apportioned in the agricultural spending bill for employment or rental assistance. Democrats, however, argued the measure was deadlocked at 214-214 and failed, members and aides on both sides of the aisle said afterward.
One GOP aide saw McNulty gavel the vote to a close after receiving a signal from his leaders – but before reading the official tally. And votes continued to shift even after he closed the roll call - a strange development in itself.

Yes, very strange indeed. It does bring to mind some of the more fantastic bouts in the Taiwanese Parliament, though without any actual bloodshed (Dammit!). It is, however, sad that one might compare this Congress to the Taiwanese Parliament. Sign of the times, I guess.

P.S. I would pay good cash too see a Bono-Boxer inter-league bout. So would Vegas.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

The Logical Conclusion to Hate-Crime Legislation

I know I'm a bit late to the game, but this is the direct result of the thought-control legislation movement. We can't really be surprised when opportunistic Terror Apologists seize upon attempts by our, um, sissy-class to protect the anointed from the evil 1st-world. This is to be expected in Europe, where prophetess Oriana Fallaci (may Allah bless her soul) was on trial in Italy for having the audacity to question Islam.

I suspect that in America, there is only so much of this that can be gnawed upon. There has to be a breaking point where we refuse to be silenced. This seems to be just the job for.... Well, you know who (QUINTUPLE CONTENT WARNING!!! NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR BAR MITZVAHS).

Noah: My question is, if putting a copy of the Koran in the toilet is a hate crime, why aren't works of "art" like Serrano's "Piss Christ" hate crimes as well? Does hate crimes legislation only protect Muslims? If Shmulevich had taken a dump on it, taken a picture, and then called it "art" would he have been all right? Probably not, but if he'd used a Bible everything would have been a-okay.

And if putting a Koran in the toilet is so awful, why doesn't anyone care that the Saudis routinely destroy all non-Wahhabi approved versions of the book that they find at their borders?

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

You didn't ask for it but . . .

Here is yet another of my novellas. I just finished it. It's the story of an L.A. divorce detective who gets sucked into a murder case in a small Southern Utah town. Read it at your own peril.

Sean: I shall, my fine bearded friend, I shall.

Friday, July 27, 2007

The end of fondue as we know it

Aside from the grossly overpriced dipping sauce, now there's another reason to not go to the Melting Pot in Downtown SLC. I've witnessed some weird as hell stuff in the kitchens of my former restaurant life, but this tops the list. One of my favorites:

(Disclaimer for UDABC--in no way is the author responsible for over-service of alcohol to any of the following subjects. All subjects were drunk as hell before they entered the restaurant, which became clear after I had served them each one beverage.)

Over at Fresco, I had a drunken solitary Power-Lesbian (PL for our purpose here) leave her table, sit herself at a table occupied by an elderly Italian couple, the lady of which being completely senile and plastered as Winston Churchill. PL had been mumbling something about her mom and, while I was busy in the trenches, made a b-line for the Italians.

As I emerged from the kitchen I heard a strange sound coming from the Italian table. As I got closer, it slowly became clear as to what was happening. PL had the drunk old lady cradled in her arms and was singing some kind of lullaby to her while gently stroking her hair as the old man obliviously sipped on his Chianti. In between poorly placed notes, PL could be heard saying things like "It's okay, Mommy" and "We all miss you, except that bastard so and so".

Not having ever had that happen, I flipped an abrupt U-turn into the kitchen to relay what was going on to my chef. As I was stuttering through an attempted explanation, the kitchen doors flew open and Sarah, my dear compadre in the trenches of many restaurants who has a Jerry Sloan-type command of creative language, ran directly to the garbage cans and threw in a bowl of what appeared to be really watery pasta. "The old bitch puked!" she proclaimed, face red with rage. She then relayed the goings on in her part of the restaurant:

A couple with one child and their grandma had been seated toward the front of the restaurant. Before the butts hit the chairs, the old lady grumbled loudly "Give me a scotch and water with no fucking ice... If I want ice, I'll put it in myself, goddammit!" Sarah politely asked if granny was shitfaced, and the family implied that she was simply in the "Tourette's" stage of dementia and that she would settle down with a nice beverage. Sarah obliged and brought out the appetizers and drinks. As she left the table, a spooky silence fell upon the dining room, which was packed on a busy Friday. She turned around as the father explained "It appears mother has vomited" pointing at her bowl of now-laden-with-elderly-bile strozzapreti.

As Sarah was fuming through her story, we heard a loud thump outside the kitchen door. With much fear, we peaked through to find the Italian drunk elderly lady lying face down in front of the ladies room with PL standing over her. The Lesbian, with her assertive businessman hairdo, explained that "Mommy" had fallen and that she would now leave her to our care. We peeled granny from the floor while she sang some songs lightly in Italian and we placed her in the care of the floor manager.

Not surprisingly, the remaining patrons were in no mood for some nice tiramisu following that evenings' harrowing events. Me and Sarah? Only one thing came to mind: "Give me a scotch and water with no fucking ice!"

Update: More info from the SL Trib on the unfortunate death of the Hispanic boy.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Ye Old Wolfe

Every now and then, it helps me feel sane to hear it be told exactly as it is by Tom Wolfe. Go read IN THE LAND OF THE ROCOCO MARXISTS (originally June 2000 Harper's Monthly) for his dead-on take on America pre-9/11.

Sean: You wiener. I just read the whole thing and my day's productivity is shot.

Wolfe is right on the money. I started my post-high school education at a bottom tier state college, but even that place had the kind of intellectual Wolfe describes. Except that they were even lower-rent.

Sitting in those classes where they teach garbage like Marxist Criticism and Reader Response is like going to a restaurant and eating a plate piled high with horseshit. You go there every day for three or four months, packing in more horseshit and digesting none of it. Then, on the day of the exam, you vomit it all back up onto the page and make a solemn oath never to eat horseshit again.

I remember getting into a fight once with a literature professor about the worthlessness of feminist literary criticism. We went at it tooth and nail for two straight days, with her little toadies in the class nipping at me from time to time. One of the toadies went on to write a poem attacking me in the school literary magazine that the professor edited (it didn't say my name, but it was perfectly clear who it was about). To her credit, she also published the poem I submitted, even though it was an embarassingly awful immitation of T.S. Eliot. (Maybe she did it to humiliate me.)

After that I just went back to eating the horsehit and vomiting it back out at exam time.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The NBA Officially Has a Problem

Like the pun? Me neither.

Utah Jazz fans don't need to be convinced of the incredibly shiddy officiating that permeates the league. From the infamous Howard Eisley 3-pointer that was called off in the 1997 finals to the obvious Jordan on Bryon Russel push-off that is hanging on posters world-wide, the David Stern conspiracy theories, true or not, abound in my home state.

This is an issue that has been out in the plain of day for years to the average NBA fan. The super-star treatment, the blatant change in officiating guidelines come playoff time (an obvious god-send to the Spurs) and the home-court cooking are all in constant conversation rotation for the NBA nation (and yes, I am the white Hip-Hop King). This does not help one bit.

So can we please do away with the mainstream media canned response to fan complaints about the game calling in the NBA? It goes something like this: "We, in professional media, with our incredibly balanced perspectives and layers of editorial review, put absolutely no stake in the swarthy spectators' allegations of Blah Blah Blah". So give it a rest, Monson, whose silence thus far is deafening.

Strangely enough, the usual local suspects really are either completely silent or in knee-jerk defense mode on this. Hence, we turn to the blogosphere. Over at Pajamas Media, they aren't above the fans perspective at all:

But even more troubling than this is the fact that hardly anyone was surprised. I know I wasn’t. To many sports fans, the question of whether NBA refs have been dirty in the past was never an issue. The question has always been how much of the horrid officiating in the NBA game was the result of incompetence and how much was due to the gamblers?

Yeah, that does come to mind, doesn't it? Bill Simmons at ESPN Page 2, commenting on the superstar thing, puts it like this:

This perpetual leeway allows gifted athletes like Wade, Gilbert Arenas and LeBron James to drive recklessly into traffic in crunch time, knowing they can either score or draw a foul. (Even when Michael Jordan won the '98 Finals on what everyone believed was his final shot ever, he famously shoved Utah's Bryon Russell to the ground before launching that jumper. No whistle.) If anything, LeBron's pre-2007 game depended on this leeway so much that he was completely ineffective in the 2006 World Championships; he kept bowling his way into the paint and waiting for calls that never came. The international refs almost seemed amused by him. The NBA refs would have been bailing him out.

So how does the NBA recover from the worst scandal in league history? My proposition is pretty simple: give each team one instant replay per game and up to two after that, with each one consuming a time out. That measure wouldn't really gum up the game any further than it already is with the incessant fouls called and disturbing instances of Manu Ginobili-style flopping, which I'm convinced is a remnant of European soccer-flopping. Each team would have to think long and hard about expending a time out. And on the Ginobili problem, assess a "one warning then technical shots" penalty for flopping.

But even these measures will do nothing to dispel the common fan laments. In particular, any measure will surely fail when it comes to fan perception of past wrong-doing. You'll never be able to fix the Jazz fan who "knows" he was wronged a decade ago. Stern, you're really screwed now.

Noah: Amen.

You've been complaining about this for as long as I've known you (about 20 years) and I can't believe it took you this long to post on the bent ref.

And everyone LOVES a pun. Never apologize! The other night Conan O'Brien told a joke about James Hetfield being detained at the airport after setting off "the heavy metal detector". The audience booed him but I laughed for about five minutes straight.

Sean: Alas, I am an ass-clown. Monson was on vacation. He hit it pretty hard today.

Ward Churchill Shitcanned

For plagiarism and general ethical clownishness. Take that, you fake Indian.

Also, on a similar note, I am constantly corrected by my anthropologist/sociologist/whatever-ologist friends when ever I utter the word "Indian". The common refrain is thus: (in between sips of a nice bubbly Proseco) "Ahem! I believe the proper nomenclature is Native American".

My ass. I've spent a fair amount of time on the reservations of the West and the word from their mouth is Indian. American Indian for the more sensitive. This is what they prefer. I've had many of them complain that the word native is inherently insulting and I have to agree for the obvious "savages" implication. More proof that the sacred PC nomenclatures are more about appeasing the lily-white professor-conscience than protecting the anointed.

Noah Adds: In commemoration of this event Iowahawk has reprinted his classic Chutch piece. While you're over at Iowahawk make sure your vote for your favorite Hoosegow Honey

Monday, July 23, 2007

But at least they provide healthcare in Iran!

This pleasant little nugget over at Charles Johnsonland reminds us that, despite what the Multi-Cult spews daily, some cultures are inferior, that's right I said it, In-Friggin-Ferior to our own.

Noah: Sean’s absolutely right about some cultures just being better than others. Check out how crappy things in Iran are. Hey lefties, this is what a real theocracy looks like. It’s tough to be a cute Iranian girl when nasty old biddies like that are part of the theocratic police state.

By the way, I read a great book about the Iranian revolution a few weeks ago. It was a graphic memoir called Persepolis. I strongly recommend it.

Also, if you are interested in the question of cultural superiority you need to read Thomas Sowell.

Sean: Noah, I still have a copy of that excellent Sowell book you mentioned. I received it from you years ago and need to come clean about that fact. So if you wondered, there you have it.

Noah: Even as I was writing my addition to your post I found myself thinking, "I wonder what ever happened to my copy of that book . . ." mystery solved! I don't remember if I loaned it or gave it to you, either way its your's now, you bastard. I don't have the bookshelf space for half my books anyway. If you want, you can steal my copy of this book as well. It amplfies a lot of what's in Race and Culture.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Give me a phone that can do what my TV can do

You know how you don't have to change out your TV set every time you switch from Cable to Dish and back to take advantage of start-up discounts? Sure you change the service, but the TV itself works whether its Dish or Comcast. I thought this article presented an interesting point about how you and your wallet generally have to do gymnastics to switch phone services. You generally can't use the same phone with other services even if you paid $500 for the unit and it's exactly the same unit with another provider. That sucks.

Another thing: I've been a "smart phone" user since its inception and have found them, without exception, to be anything but "smart". Constant hang-ups, strange unpredictable behaviour, crappy reception, etc. I can't wait yo have a real computer in my hand and sometime this century would be nice. Moore's Law my ass.

Noah: The solution to your problem is easy. Throw away your phone! Who do you want to talk to anyway? People are fountains of aggravation and a cell phone is just a way of letting them spit on you no matter where you are.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

We have survived Dick Cheney's term as acting president

I'll bet there were a lot of left wing nutjobs who though that Cheney would launch an attack on someone, anyone, while the president was under anesthesia. I'll bet they're actually kind of disapointed he didn't. There's nothing they enjoy more than some good outrage.

Sean: I was waiting for Cheney to jail some Democrats and instate marshal law, or outlaw books. Come on Dick, at least crucify Chomsky upside down or something!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Former Exalted Cyclops of the Klu Klux Klan Condemns Black Football Player . . .

That’s the headline I would like to have seen with this CNN story.

Apparently Robert Byrd gave a speech condemning dog fighting. Here’s an excerpt:

"Barbaric," shouted the senator. "Let that word resound from hill to hill and from mountain to mountain and from valley to valley across this broad land. Barbaric!"

My guess is that what the former Exalted Cyclops really wanted to say was this:

“Niggers! Let that word resound from hill to hill and from mountain to mountain and from valley to valley across this broad land. Niggers!”

Luckily for him he’s a Democrat, so such insinuations won’t make it to the mainstream press.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Nice Buns

The cardboard-Chinese bun story I linked to the other day may be a hoax. It's also possible that the Chinese are sick of stories about tainted food and are now concocting a coverup of Cardboard-bungate. Either way, this is the last time I will ever post on this story (unless they shoot the reporter who put the original story together).

Get a Grip, People!

Now, I know New Yorkers have been through a lot. And I understand that their city is a bigger target for terrorists than any place in the United States . . . but should people run screaming and crying down the street every time they hear a loud noise? You know all the terrorists are out there in their caves giggling about New York’s reaction to a burst pipe. Get a grip New York. You guys are supposed to be the toughest in the country, so set a good example.

Of course, this story is nowhere near as embarrassing as Boston’s reaction to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force marketing campaign. One little Mooninite flips them the bird and all of a sudden everyone’s standing in a puddle of urine . . .

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

This Congress Sucks

A 14% approval rating for the new carriers of the flame. Serves them right. Bastards. They even make Bush look like a political genious at 34%. (Got the link to Don Surber from Instapundit).

Noah: The press can't mention Bush's name without bringing up that 34%, but we hear very little about the even more embarassing 14% that congress has managed. Fourteen percent is the kind of number that David Duke would get from a poll of the NAACP.

Europe, You're Next

The black hand of Sharia continues to creep across Africa. If Christian, Jewish, Pagan, Hindu, and Atheist Europeans don't start having more babies it won't be too long before we see this phenomenon in France & Co.

Sean adds: It doesn't really surprise me as Africa has a long and bloody history of Sharia, but it still scares me. And I love how the BBC still manages to contradict itselft once every other sentence, in one breath stating:
More than a dozen Muslims have been sentenced to death by stoning for sexual offences like adultery and homosexuality since the Sharia legal system was introduced in 2000.
And the next:
He says his men will soon launch a raid on Sabon Gari to cleanse it of all "instruments of sin". But Mr Abdulkarim also understands the complex cultural nuances of his environment.
Yeah, lots of understanding of "complex cultural nuances" going on there.

Bottle it Up

What the hell is wrong with these people?

Modesto police have arrested a man and a woman on felony charges of child endangerment after discovering that a miniature horse lived in their home's kitchen and dining room, which were covered with trash and feces . . .

"The conditions were horrendous," said John Bear, animal control supervisor for the Modesto police. "This miniature horse had been housed indoors for I'm guessing a good length of time by the amount of animal waste that was built up inside the house."

A boy who lived in the house told police he had been sleeping in a tent inside his bedroom to protect himself from the infestation of flies, Bear said.

As a person who hates pets, I just don’t see the upside to having a horse crapping all over your house. The horse lives in your house and you have to sleep in a tent to get away from the flies? How is this a good deal?

This happened in Modesto, and it may help explain a lot about TommAy . . .

Also from the San Francisco Chronicle:

Constant teenage venting over crushes, popularity or other personal problems may lead to anxiety and depression in girls . . .

Amanda Rose, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Missouri at Columbia and lead author, said the results may reflect a cultural tendency of girls to blame themselves when they aren't invited to parties or when boys don't call back.

"The more they talk about it, the more depressed and anxious they feel," she said.

The study's findings add a cautionary note to the perennial advice to the young that they should always talk out their problems instead of bottling them up.

So remember, when you tell her to shut the hell up you’re not being a jerk, you’re doing her a favor.

Sean adds: Dude, is that first story from the Onion or something? I've seen some strange stuff in the real estate world but nothing like that. Well a few unfortunate situations in Magna and Kearns maybe, but I'm eating right now and don't want to foul my lady's keyboard.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

More on Africa from an African. And other stuff.

I've always wondered how Africans (or any of the anointed minority) are made to feel about all the filthy-rich lily-white people who are constantly "saving" them. Instapundit linked to this editorial that rather plainly asks Hollywood to get the hell out of Africa:

Perhaps most interesting is the language used to describe the Africa being saved. For example, the Keep a Child Alive/" I am African" ad campaign features portraits of primarily white, Western celebrities with painted "tribal markings" on their faces above "I AM AFRICAN" in bold letters. Below, smaller print says, "help us stop the dying."

Such campaigns, however well intentioned, promote the stereotype of Africa as a black hole of disease and death. News reports constantly focus on the continent's corrupt leaders, warlords, "tribal" conflicts, child laborers, and women disfigured by abuse and genital mutilation. These descriptions run under headlines like "Can Bono Save Africa?" or "Will Brangelina Save Africa?" The relationship between the West and Africa is no longer based on openly racist beliefs, but such articles are reminiscent of reports from the heyday of European colonialism, when missionaries were sent to Africa to introduce us to education, Jesus Christ and "civilization."

We at INFDL have with great glee over the years pointed out the directly racist underpinnings of leftist advocacy. The thought that all the swarthy little brown people need is some white dildo-muncher to trounce about holding a giant paper-mache doll of Dick Cheney has more to do with the insecurities found within leftists themselves. I know as I used to bite that pillow myself awhile back.

In many ways this tendency is psychologically similar to the ways of the conspiracy mongers that we all too often have to suffer. There's this idea that only they have some incredibly important piece of information that needs to be brought out to the world and that because only they have this information, the powers that be will do anything to silence them.

It's a well-worn tradition on the left to portray themselves as some sort of lone guardian of truth. A good example was a few years ago when a friend insisted that I read this book. Here's the book in a sentence: GE and other "multi-nationals" (codeword for Boooogie-man) had acquired all the patents to solar power and keep prices high because it would threaten their stranglehold on the energy markets. There's little mention of the cost of raw silicon wafers, whose prices and scarcity have skyrocketed because of the advent of what are known as "computers". But in the world of the conspiracy-left, markets elements like supply and demand, or the earlier mentioned concept of self-determination don't exist except to keep the people down.

Noah Adds: The progressive types have nothing but derision for that old imerialist Rudyard Kipling, but their attitude towards anyone with a dark tint of skin seems to be a lot like his:

Take up the White Man's Burden --
The savage wars of peace --
Fill full the mouth of Famine
And bid the sickness cease
And when your goal is nearest
The end for others sought
Watch Sloth and heathen Folly
Bring all your hope to nought.

The irony is that if his much-derided imperialism hadn't been killed off by progressive dogoodery Africans would be doing a million times better today. You can say, "yeah, but they wouldn't have self-determination". But do they have it now? Would Zimbabwe be better off under the rule of Gordon Brown or Robert Mugabe? I'm not saying that the colonization of Africa was right but . . .

Monday, July 16, 2007

"With women, communication is everything"

Here is an inspiring link for lovelorn INFDL's. Don't ever give up.

It takes very little prodding . . .

to get me to post my newest story. All TommAy did is ask about the novel I'm currently working on and here it is. It's a noirish sort of comedy/thriller about an ex army ranger who gets caught between two warring drug lords on the Texas/Mexico border. It is tentatively titled "Laredo Lowdown" but the alliteration is too cute and will have to go when I think of a good title.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Random Tombstone in Fields, Oregon

Twins. Born in 1914, died in 1917. Took this one in a break between the great monsoons of '05. Also the first picture on this blog... Just sayin'.

The City of Salt, Yo!

Vegas got nothing on Salt Lake. The mean streets of Utah, Beotch!!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The asshats that run this country...

sometimes make me want to pluck out my ass hair one curly at a time. I'm speechless... No I'm not:

Listen, Mr. congressman/woman,

We all know that the main reason that most of you are in office is because you just couldn't hack it in the private sector. You sucked at what you did then and BIG SURPRISE, you suck at what you do now. We, the American public, know that Acme Dildo Co., which you used to run, could only produce big, floppy, soft phallus. And you know the old saying: "when you can't make a dildo that stays hard, then you shouldn't set out to run this fucking country."

Lousy punks. I feel better now. Sorry.

Noah Adds: What the Democrats have demonstrated on their various war votes is a lack of leadership and a severe political cravenness.

After 9/11 President Bush was enormously popular (hard to believe these days) and it would have been extremely difficult politically for the Democrats to go against him in his desire to crush the evil and dangerous regime of Saddam Hussein. So they voted for war. (Though they now claim that they only voted to give Bush the option to go to war, they never really thought he’d do it!)

Now Bush is as popular as a syphilitic serial rapist at a NOW convention. The war is actually more popular than he is, but is still a political loser. So they’ve all jumped ship.

For the Democrats, foreign policy is nothing more than an extension of domestic politics. But that isn’t leadership. F.D.R. did everything he could to help the allies and to prepare the U.S. for war before the country woke up and realized that WWII was our fight as well. That was leadership. The modern Democratic Party is allergic to that sort of thing.

My guess is that a lot of Democrats didn’t believe in the war even when they were voting in favor of it. If I’m right, that means that members of the Democratic Party are willing to send soldiers to their deaths in an unwise and unjust war just to stay in office. It’s hard to imagine anything more immoral or cowardly.

Hillary Clinton has turned in one of the most despicable and hypocritical performances on the issue. She refuses to say that her vote in favor of going to war was a mistake while at the same time she says that the war is a disaster and we have to get the troops out. But if the war is a debacle that has ground up the lives of thousands of troops, maimed thousands more, killed tens of thousands of Iraqis and devoured billions of hard earned American dollars all to no end, how is that not a mistake? But Hillary knows that her trick of doublespeak is her best political play at the moment, so she runs with it.

Sean Adds: Noah, you are correct about the cynical nature of Democratic actions (inaction) on national defense. I had this conversation with TommAy the other night as well. They constantly invoke the name of JFK while simultaneously shitting upon his legacy. There was probably one president in history as willing to use force to thwart the Communist effort, and that was Truman. JFK devoted his entire short political career to confronting the communist threat (Bay of Pigs, Cuban Missile Crisis, invasion of Vietnam, etc.).

The Democrats of today have no interest in the defense of this nation and now some of the weak amongst the Republicans have sensed that Iraq is a political loser and are bailing ship. This disgusts me. If the conservative base can be mobilized to defeat the recent immigration "reform" bill, then the time is now for that same base to bitch-slap the ill-advised concept of voluntary surrender. A plague of Bleggorhea upon both houses.

A Bunch of Crap

Yesterday I received a pin from my company for “two years of service”. The pin was presented in a quick ceremony that involved a lot of forced clapping and insincere hand shaking. What kind of award is a pin commemorating two years of service anyway? It is an award that says two things: A) you are competent enough to not get fired, and B) you are not competent enough to get a better job. Needless to say it went directly into the trash the moment I got back to my office.

Yesterday I also discovered that in contrast to my phony distinction, a certain INFDL has a very real one . . . his own page on IMDB. Look it up.

Have you ever eaten something (at an airport perhaps) and said, “Wow, this is as flavorless as cardboard.” Well, if you live in China it might actually be cardboard.

I’m going to go golfing with TommAy tomorrow. He better plan on a thorough ass kicking.

Sean Says: Noah, I did the search and came up with a few near hits, but nothing direct. And give that TommAy kid a swift kick in the pants for me.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Protein Wisdom in Repose

Whilst perusing my favorite blogs a couple of days ago, I noticed a strange occurrence over at Goldstien's place, which in and of itself doesn't say much, as Goldseins place is usually chock full of strange occurrences. I often arrive there in pursuit of some heady-cheeky psycho-political commentary that is unmatched on the net. This was a bit more than usual though. As the comments unfolded, it became clear what was happening. For the last year or so, Jeff, his wife and young son have been stalked and threatened by a lesbian commie troll named Deb Frisch, a former University of Oregon Psychology teacher, who says unspeakable things, usually of a violent sexual nature about anybody who disagrees with her. To let Jeff G. tell it:

Comment by Jeff G. on 7/11 @ 10:37 am #

I guess I should note that Frisch has recently taking to making “jox”– and posting pictures — of the dead child of a blog commenter on another site.In addition to this, she’s made “jox” about the epileptic wife of another blogger. Something about herbeing “twitchy” — and wondering what it must be like to “hump” or “phuque” her. This is what used to teach children and work as a consultant in decision science for the FBI.Bask in its warmth.

Comment by Jeff G. on 7/11 @ 10:46 am #

And yes, I’ve been dealing with this stuff CONSTANTLY, which has caused me to take time off, lose readers, etc.Early on, I had a lot of support from other bloggers. But lately, not so much. Loss of traffic has meant lost revenue.Not everyone has abandoned me entirely, though. So let me take the time now to say thanks to, among the bigger bloggers, Glenn Reynolds, for continuing to keep me afloat with his shows of support and encouragement.Frisch has once again — with no provocation — stepped up her assault on me, my site, my family and my friends.Which means I am simply going to redouble me efforts to put a stop to it.

Obviously, Frisch is a very sick individual. It's also obvious that if the sexual roles were reversed, Jeff could probably get the clown-ass authorities in Oregon to do something. Who knows, perhaps she's had a floppy installed recently, upgrading her status to male v2.0? As Charles Johnson is fond of saying, "There is a very bad craziness loose in the world."

P.S. I just dropped a twenty on Jeff G. I encourage all others with extra weed money to do so as well.

Update: Jeff gives an update. Good luck, and may you somehow get rich from this shit. Also, from Brian J. in the comments, we here that PW contributer Dan Collins is now being harrassed as well:

Brian J.said...
In addition to restarting her harassment of Jeff she has posted the work information of PW contributor Dan Collins and has started making phone calls and sending E-Mails to his place of employment.This creature has left the bounds of reason and is now traveling in loopy world. It would be sad if she weren't such a vicious little ferret.

Sean said...
Incredible. Any resident INFDL lawyers (you know who you are) care to take a swipe at this one? There must be some kind of recourse.
12:07 PM

Well, Mr. Lawyer pants?

Noah: Yes, there is recourse. It's little known precedent in the common law called "beat her to death with a hammer and make sure the body is never found". I've translated it from the Latin so you laymen can understand it.

Other than that there are always restraining orders.

Update: I think Goldstein has gone the RO route already. And Sinner in the comments has done the Latin thing for you, Noah:

Sinner said...
That would be:pello pepulli pulsum suus ut nex per a pango quod planto certus somes est nunquam instituo

Sinner is also the husband of the the woman who Frisch, in her mastery of lefty-mongoloid sardonic whit, has labeled "twitchy":

Sinner said...
We have been following the antics of Dr. Frisch for a year now. First at DHD and now at Teh Squeaky Wheel

I happen to be the husband of "twitchy".

This bitch be CRAYZAY!

Monday, July 09, 2007

The Prince of Darkness,

better known as Miles Davis, knew exactly what he was saying when he pointed out the brilliance of another Prince, you know, Prince Prince. Aside from the wicked falsetto and ripping licks, who would have thunk it that he would also become the industry's foremost market experimenter? Last week, he up and pissed off the entire music industry again and inked a deal with the Globe and Mail in London to distribute his new album Planet Earth for free with three million Sunday editions.

His record label nixed the conventional distribution of his album in the UK, likely sighting saturation issues when 3 million hard copies hit the street, and Virgin Records, already reeling from shitty sales along with the rest of the industry, blew a testicle over the revelations. The U.K.’s Entertainment Retailers Association co-chairman Paul Quirk (unfortunate name) said:
“The Artist formerly known as Prince should know that with behavior like
this, he will soon be the Artist Formerly Available in Record Stores.”
That sounds an awful lot like a threat, Mr. Quirk. Not the kind of thing you should be saying if your skippering a ship that is going the way of the 8-track. It's very interesting for me to hear an entire industry whine about their entitlement to not only existence, but to absolute control over production and distribution of a product. A good parallel might be the anger surely caused to compass makers once GPS was privatized. Of course that argument was probably short, as the usefulness of the new technology became clear to everybody.

This isn't the first time Prince has smeared poop on the walls of the record industry. In the Warner Brothers dispute years (Artist Formerly Known as , etc), he released multiple albums on the internet only, a completely unheard of concept at the time, and banked gazzillions of bux. In fact, he makes more now than he ever did in his "big years" of '82-'86, officially becoming the top industry earner in 2004. And it probably wont be the last revolutionary business move for the fem-funk prince. All hail the King! Besides, any body heard of Michael Jackson lately without it being a setup for a boy-ass joke?

Update: Wired has it right.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Toby Kieth and Ricardo Montebon agree...

That this country is a pretty damned cool place to be...Wow, that was like some nightmarishly bad white Hip-Hop right there. Not any worse than Kid Rock or say, Snow (who, of course, is a Kannuck) mind you, but pitiful none the less.

I also think that Kerry King might agree, between serenades to dead bodies, as well. Come to think of it, so might conservative talk radio host Alice Cooper. Zack De La Rocha, not so much. I'll leave that self-conscious revolutionary as the only hater I mention today as it is not very difficult to find haters of us in the world right now. Really, I just saw a guy outside of my window who bares more than a passing resemblance to De La Rocha, Bob Marley wannabe all, and I decided to just type it. That charlatan and Tom Morrelo squeezed as much life as humanly possible out of that one riff (you know the one) with only slight variations. Don't get me wrong, that one riff was wicked bad-ass, but there's only so much you can do with the afore mentioned one riff, trouncing about being Marxist revolutionaries, while at the same time being masters of hyper-capitalism, replete with full-line merchandising, marketing campaigns and millions of bux. The only thing separating them from N'Sinc was that Rage failed to make a Happy Meal box. That is also to say nothing of Zach's simplistic lyrical flow and unpleasing nasal delivery. Morello is the real tragedy here, as he has no excuse for not being "the great modern guitarist". RAGE, YOUR DEAD TO ME!

But I digress: Gary Oldman is a non-American who might dig this place a bit. So is Christopher Hitchens. In fact, despite his overall crappy domestic policy, Tony Blair has been a pimp for us evil Americans for some time. And god help Britain without him, judging by the early performance of his successor.

Me? I'd be dishonest if I didn't declare myself among those who vilified this incredible country until about 10:30 Am on 9/11/01. This is the way things shook down for me: it took the proletariat only about three days to form its preferred narrative, which we are all familiar with, and it caused a deep gagging reaction within my belly. I knew what they said was an outright lie and that caused me to do an internal review of almost all the information I had digested as an adult. The ultimate irony became clear: here I was, a relatively coddled clown who had lived an overall easy life with all the opportunity in the world before me, could only blame America for the "cruelty" of life.

It's clear to me, after my sixth year of patriotism, that I was dead wrong on all that. In reality America is the birthplace of all the pet projects I had latched on to. The conservation movement? Check. Civil rights? Check. Jazz music? Check. The A Team? Check. And I can't wait to see what else we come up with.

Update: Hitchens is a recent citizen. Welcome aboard, you cheeky patriot.

Monday, July 02, 2007

London Bridge is Burning

But pay no attention...Er.. This is obviously a plot to distract the public form GWB's refusal to sign the Kyoto protocol. Blah, slurp, Halliburton, blah...

Charles Johnson has a good series on the interconnected London bombings from last week. One thing I'd like to point out is that these bombings are incredibly crude. Anybody else out there think that Al Qaida is enjoying some much deserved opporational disaray? Propane bombs? Bush-league.

Big Love, son

Finally broke down and watched the first season of HBO's Big Love . My prognosis: fantastic television. And I mean fantastic, as in a lot of fantasy. To their credit, they must have some Utahrds on the production and writing crew as there is a whole lot of true Utahism going on in the series beyond the obvious "heck, gosh, goll", etc.

The main accuracy issue is probably due to the need to create "proximity" in the show. An example: "Roman", the series obvious Warren/Rulon Jeffs character is shown getting medical check-ups in what appears to be his building in downtown Salt Lake. That building is the Joseph Smith Memorial building. We all know that if Warren Jeffs was seen in the JSM building, he'd be immediately arrested and sent to the big house with no tasty muffins. The show is flush with many other inaccuracies, but surprisingly many spot-on recreations of suburban Utah life, mixed with the usual HBO-bizarro flourishes. And they handle the separation between the LDS faith and the Polygs very thoroughly.

Back here in reality, the Salt Lake Tribune has an interesting real-life Big Love multi-media from some unspoken (cough, Herriman, cough) locale in Salt Lake County. In all, polygamy looks like a major pain in the ass.

Oh, the tedium

This post may or may not be readable to the INFDL minion. It's basically an on-line high school level debate that took place in the Salt Lake Tribunes' comments section for this piece about the Topaz interment camp north of Delta, where Japanese Americans were held during WW2. The dude calls himself Roross (Rocky???). He and I go back and forth for way too long and it is basically a rehash of the conversations we've all had a tragabazillion times since the invasion of Iraq. Here it is.