Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Someone Needs to Give the NCAA a Tomahawk Chop

In the most outrageous story to come out of the Academic world since Ward Churchill, the NCAA has decided to ban mascots and nicknames that are derived from American Indian tribes. Starting in February colleges with Native American mascots will not be able to use any those names or mascots in NCAA tournament events.

Can’t the PC morons see that it is a TRIBUTE to have a team nicknamed after you? It means that people think you represent a tradition that is courageous, athletic and tough.

Should I be outraged about the Vikings and the Fighting Irish? I am Norwegian and Irish after all . . .

Now that I think about it, I AM pissed off that Minnesotans are stereotyping me as a bloodthirsty battle-axe wielding berserker in a horned helmet. Those bastards! How dare they! And those jerks from Notre Dame are even worse. They’re stereotyping my Irish great grandfathers as alcohol sodden maniacs looking for someone’s (preferably a British person’s) skull to bash in with a stick! RACIST BASTARDS!

And what about the Pirates? One of my German ancestors was a pirate (true story, he was a river pirate who was caught and had his head cut off and put on a pike as a warning to other lederhosen wearing buccaneers). They’re being insensitive to Pirate-Americans like me! Those BASTARDS!

And don’t even get me started on the angels. My grandfather died a couple years ago and he’s no doubt an angel in heaven now. He was a veteran of WW II. He fought the Krauts! (er, German-Americans). How dare you name a baseball team after him? In fact, now that I think about it, the vast majority of my ancestors are dead! YOU BASTARDS!

Dodgers? White Sox? I’ve dodged things before and I’ve worn white sox . . . in fact, I’m wearing white sox right now! BASTARDS!

I’m a heterosexual, but I know some gay people, and how do you think they would feel if they accidentally saw a hockey game and discovered that one of the teams was called the Calgary Flames! That’s offensive. HOMOPHOBIC BASTARDS!

The NCAA has lost its mind.

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