Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Nitwit with a Pen: Part III

Sean Penn’s third installment on his trip to Iran is out today. It’s as annoying and boring as the first two. The worst thing about it is Penn’s insistence on referring to low level Iranian goons as the “Siths.” Here he uses the Star Wars term three times in four sentences:

The Siths milled about nervously and then, "He's coming. He's coming!" barked the bearded Sith. I placed my video camera on a nearby stairwell to record the event of our interview. One of the Siths came to me and positioned me at the shoulders as though I were a mannequin in a window display.

Why does he call them “Siths?” He began doing it in the last article in the series but he never made his reasons very clear.

But here is the worst paragraph in today’s installment. It recounts Penn’s interview with Hassan Khomeini:

He had been told that I had gone to the Friday prayers, so he began the interview by asking my feelings about that. I told him that while the sea of belief in Islam had been impressive, that the use of seductive rage in the chants of "Death to America" and "Death to Israel" are taken quite literally by mothers and fathers in the United States.

Why don’t I ever get to chant “death to” whatever in church services here? I feel gypped. It’s good to see that the august tradition of the two minute hate is alive and well in the Islamic Republic of Iran. And I can’t imagine why the mother’s and fathers in the United States would take chants of “Death of America” and “Death to Israel” literally! Surely the Iranians are just having a little fun at our expense! Ha, Ha! “Death to America!” what a wacky sense of humor you Iranians have.

I said that it (chants of death to America and Israel) seemed to me a highly destructive and inaccurate representation of the country I had come to learn about.

“Inaccurate?” The problem isn’t that these chants are inaccurate, it’s that they are PERFECTLY accurate. Liberals just can’t bring themselves to believe that there are people in the world who would like to do them harm just because they are Americans, or because they are not Muslims, or because they are the wrong kind of Muslims.

Hassan listened with kind interest. His eyes didn't leave me as the translator made clear my statement. He uttered a very brief sentence in Farsi. He said, "Then we should change it."

Way to go Penn! You successfully changed the man’s mind and struck a blow for tolerance!

I found myself very moved when he spoke about tolerance for other religions. He said, "The purpose of multiple religions is for each to complete the other," and that "therefore, they are not only to be tolerated, but embraced." This, from the closest living male descendant of the Ayatollah, who had declared a death fatwa upon writer Salman Rushdie. And I believed him.

That’s because you’re a jackass.

Yet he cautioned me upon further questioning about the definition of terrorism. "What is the yardstick" he asked, "that defines Iran as a terrorist-supporting nation, yet dismisses such a claim against Israel?" And I supposed that his question could be asked about the United States as well.

Thanks for tossing the good old US of A into the terrorist mix there Penn! Khomeini forgot, but you were right there to step into the breach.

Such an awe inspiring display of nincompoopery deserves a spot on the Huffington Post.

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