Friday, May 13, 2005

Star Wars geeks (and children) are the future

Oh boy. It's a little less than a week until the release of the new Star Wars movie, and if you aren't reading any of the Star Wars chat rooms dominated by the very restless and very excitable Star Wars fans, then you're missing out on some very, very entertaining shit. I mean, some of this stuff is so good that I'm convinced that, when considering that the conclusion of the most successful and beloved movie franchise of all time is nigh and the SW nerds are everywhere out in force (pardon the pun), this might just be an historically and culturally important period of time right now. You can go to any number of places to access these chat rooms and threads, but I'll keep it basic and give a sampling from IMBD, where a guy called GrantZilla starts a thread and is then challenged (and supported) by a number of respondents.

Example from IMDB (edited by moi):

GrantZilla: Darth Vador has to be one of the most bad-ass villians ever created, outside The Joker in Batman. He's mean, he's ruthless, he's just bad ass. Anakin is none of these things. He's a whiny, puny, sissy boy. I understand that he hasn't become full on evil yet, but atleast make him TOUGH. Anakin should have been played off like Matt Damon's charecter in Good Will Hunting. A very smart, troubled, tough kid. If he was written like this, I could actually see the likes of Natalie Portman falling for him, because he's a bad boy.

Respondent #1: So are you saying that girls like Padme only fall for "bad boys"? If you are, you are so wrong. A wuss hunh. The best Jedi in the galazy is a wuss? I don't think so.

GrantZilla: Best Jedi? Dude got his arm hacked off by 82 year old Christopher Lee in a matter of seconds in a light sabor fight. That's what you call the best Jedi? Only thing I saw him do was hack up a bunch of sand people. Like that's a big challenge.

Respondent #2: "Only thing I saw him do was hack up a bunch of sand people. Like that's a big challenge." I'd like to see you do that.

GrantZilla: Anakin is going to have to grow a pair before I'm convinced he could ever become Vador. As for her falling for a bad boy. I would find it a lot more convincing for her falling for a bad boy then a whiny little wuss. She has more gonads then he does. Atlest if he was a bad boy she'd find him interesting, and try to bring out the good side. DO you know how many good girls fall for bad boys?

Respondent #3: Hate to break it to you, (Respondent #1), but most women prefer bad boys. As someone who has been a nice guy and a bad boy at different times in his life, I can verify.

Respondent #4: I have to agree that Anakin and indeed all the Jedi, including Obi Wan, were entirely too weak. Both Anakin and Obi Wan were beaten far too easily by Dooku--and Anakin had two sabers!!!

Respondent #1: Yeah, he is the best Jedi in the galaxy, Christopher Lee is a sith :D Long Live the Sith

GrantZilla: Luke was a whiny little wuss because he didn't have daddy smacking him around telling him to grow a pair. Instead grew up as a wussy little brat by his uncle, who didn't give a rat's ass about him. Luke probably ran to auntie whenever Uncle was mean to him. By the time Return of the Jedi came around, he finally stopped being a wuss and acted like a real Jedi. I'd think that Yoda or the other Jedi's would tell him to stop being a wuss or he'll never be a Jedi. I mean seriously. I don't see why the Emperor would want him.

Respondent #5: The Emperor wants him because he's stronger in the force than anyone else.

Respondent #6: I agree Darth Vader is a badass, but if you put him is a room with Hannibal Lector I am afraid he would not come out alive.

Respondent #7: WOOT!! do you honestly think so? Darth Vader could crush Hannibal's throat with a thought, shoot him with force lightening or just instantly kill him.

Respondent #1: Vader can't use force lightning because his arms are robotic and the force powers he can use is force choke. But i aggre with you that hannibal will be killed quickly by Lord Darth Vader easily if hannibal tried anything.

Respondent #7: i really dont think loss of a limb can stop anakin from force lightning but the real danger is he might short circuit his suit!!!!

Respondent #2: Anakin may be a whiny little puss but haven't you ever heard the expression dynamite comes in small packages? He is a young man that has had a whole lot of crap happen to him in his life. He has this huge responsibility of being "the chosen one" lying on his shoulders. Now that must be a huge burden to anyone. what would you do if from the time you were 10 years old you were told YOU would be the one to bring balance to the force? Hayden plays a perfect anakin. He comes across as a real teenager with problems.

Respondent #8: Bottom line people, Gayden can't pull this role off and never will. He was simply miscast.

GrantZilla: I really hope Anakin grows a pair by the new movie. So far I have not seen any evidence that this whiny brat could ever become Vador.

Respondent #9: V-A-D-E-R It is spelled Vader for god's sake! Be mindful of your spellings, Young Padawans.

Respondent #1: Wow, you can't even spell "Vader"...How do I know you are a "Star Wars" fan? You are basing your views on Anakin off of Episode II, Not episode III.

Respondent #10: first off to the prick who said "how he got his hand chopped off by a 82 year old" no i dont think that hayden and jake were too pansy! they are just right, it shows how a nice kid can become the most cruel despot in the galaxy given the wrong circumstances!

GrantZilla: Why exactly am I a prick for saying that? Oh wait, because you disagree, guess that makes me a prick. Great logic buddy. Are you Mr. Lucas by any chance?

Respondent #10: dear grantzilla you are not a prick for your opinion, even if i dont like them, they are yours and i respect them, you are a big prick because you spelt Darth Vader as Darth Vador!! It's VADER not Vador or Vadar, VADER! god! atleast get the man's name correct before criticizing him. ever had a lightsaber up your @ss??

Respondent #11: So people don't think Anakin is bad-ass? Ohhhh ... http://img248.echo.cx/my.php?image=anakingivesobitheevileye7an.jpg change anyone's opinion?

Respondent #10: that pic freaked me out man! i am shivering darth didnt scare me that much

Respondent #12: Its Darth Vader and light saber. Learn to spell loser.

Noah Adds: Fortunately Tom, you're a certified bad boy and have a real shot at Padme/Portman. Just pull up in front of her house in the Good Times Van and start honking.

Sean says: Vader would totally kick Hannibals' ass, man. What the frick!

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