Monday, April 25, 2005

Vengeance is Near

On a dark night in the spring of 1991 (or was it ’90?) I was awakened in the middle of the night by a boot. It was a black-leather item with a hard-rubber sole. It had been manufactured by the Merrell boot company, and was worn by INFDL’s own Sean. The boot did not kick me, it stomped on me. And it didn’t stomp just anywhere, it stomped right on my forehead.

The next morning when I reached civilization and peered into a mirror I saw, to my horror, that I had a series of scabs on my forehead that were in the exact waffle-cone pattern of Sean’s boot tread. (The boot looked a lot like this one.)

Since that dark night I have been planning my revenge, and now, vengeance is near saith the Noey! For I have passed the bar examination and as soon as I figure out how to get around the statute of limitations (which must have run out about a decade ago) I am going to sue Sean’s Irish-Portuguese-Hawaiian ass.

Rob Stander adds: I was there, you sniveling fool, and I will vouch for Sean's story: he was shuffling around camp wearing hush-puppies. It seems that no matter what we did, Noah's forehead was there. He was always running around placing his forehead under some boots (and yes those are a pair of Merrel Wilderness).

Sean Adds: Thanks, Rob. I haven't seen you in years, and I'm not sure if you were even there, but you just may prevent the litigious breakup of INFDL. I would like to add that the waffle-pattern on Noah's forehead matched a pair of boots that was known to be owned by Megan Blaylock. Also, Mr. Brower is willing to testify for my Scottish, Italian , Hawaiian, and Portuguese ass.

Update: Even now, I can only sleep at night because I know that one of those boots was lost in the vast wastes of the Wind River Mountains. But I am still frequently awakened with nightmares where the left and right boot have become reunited in the common goal of my complete and utter annihilation.

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