Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Be Lame

Last night I watched Be Cool. It sucked like a Hoover.

I really wanted to like the movie. After all, it is the sequel to Get Shorty, one of the great comedies of all times. Of course, I knew going into the theater that Be Cool had a different writer and director than Get Shorty and that Dennis Farina would not be in the film. I should have paid greater heed to these warnings.

I knew also that the critics had savaged it (30% on the Tomatometer), but I still wasn’t worried. I figured that the critics were probably measuring Be Cool against Get Shorty rather than against films in general. It could fall well short of the Get Shorty standard and still be a pretty good movie.

Be Cool tried waaaay to hard to be cool. At the same time, the whole thing was incredibly contrived and I felt like I was on a Bataan death march from one plot point to the next. The movie was about the music world but the music in it is dreadful. Also, the bits with Aerosmith were excruciating to watch (no offense Sean), especially when Chili Palmer gives Steven Tyler the pointless speech about how the song “Sweet Emotion” is not about the sweetness of rock n’ roll, but the sweetness of being a new father. I nearly threw up in my popcorn.

Also, I’ve never seen a movie that was so in-your-face about being a sequel. The first lines of the movie are Chili Palmer saying how much he hates sequels, and constant pointless references are made to Get Shorty.

I’ve never seen such awful product placement either. Did I actually see tough guy Harvey Kietel sipping a Jamba Juice? Impossible!

Half way through I had to pee and I didn’t regret my trip to the bathroom in the slightest. In fact, I took the time to pop a zit on my nose. I thought it better to spend my time looking at the oozing sore on my face rather than the oozing sore on the screen.

Sean Adds: No offence taken, Noey. I nearly blew 15 bucks on this flick yesterday, but instead saw Million Dollar Baby, which was excellent (one of Clint's finest). Thanks for the public service. Although I haven't listened to Aerosmith in years, maybe I'll throw in "Rocks" for shit 'n giggles.

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