Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Holy Sorry Sack of Shit, Batman...

I have read on the web many people who supported the Cowboy's reelection bristling at the thought of being called the dreaded C-word. No, sicko, not that C-word... I'm talking about the scarlet letter of the new century--Conservative. I too once squirmed at the thought of being addressed by that stinky little word. Now I wear the scarlet C it with a certain rebellious "Fuck Yeah". As in "America, Fuck Yeah" (see Thomas's #9 for 2004).

Since when is it bad to conserve? Aren't we Americans fools for not conserving enough? I once was a one-issue voter on conservation issues. I am now a one-issue voter on the conservation of our nation's very set of ideals because I realize that conservation is not on top of the most pressing issues for people under the modern Caliphate, I will now support our efforts in stamping out the Caliphate. Our little list of causes that we keep as westerners (we all have them) is useless without the preservation of personal choice. That, to me, is what our system is really about. That is also what many on the left forget.

Here is a perfect example of how I started my current political journey. This little gem by Mel Gilles (in this month's Salt Lake lefty bum-fodder Catalyst) actually caught me by surprise, seeing as I thought that I had heard it all and that nobody could top some of the crazy shit I've read and heard since 9/11. It begins:

Watch Dan Rather apologize for not getting his facts straight, humiliated before the eyes of America, voluntarily undermining his credibility and career of over 30 years.

Voluntarily undermining his credibility? Er, yeah... And Nixon voluntarily resigned. I love it when a piece makes me cranky from sentence numero uno.

Observe Donna Brazille squirm as she is ridiculed by Bay Buchanan, and pronounced irrelevant and nearly non-existent. Listen as Donna and Nancy Pelosi and Senator Charles Schumer take to the airwaves saying that they have to go back to the drawing board and learn from their mistakes and try to be better, more likable, more appealing, have a stronger message, speak to morality. Watch them awkwardly quote the Bible, trying to speak the new language of America. Surf the blogs, and read the comments of dismayed, discombobulated, confused individuals trying to figure out what they did wrong. Hear the cacophony of voices, crying out, "Why did they beat me?"

Here's the stinky part:

And then ask anyone who has ever worked in a domestic violence shelter if they have heard this before. They will tell you, every single day.

The answer is quite simple. They beat us because they are abusers. We can call it hate. We can call it fear. We can say it is unfair. But we are looped into the cycle of violence, and we need to start calling the dominating side what they are: abusive. And we need to recognize that we are the victims of verbal, mental, and even, in the case of Iraq, physical violence.

As victims, we can't stop asking ourselves what we did wrong. We can't seem to grasp that they will keep hitting us and beating us as long as we keep sticking around and asking ourselves what we are doing to deserve the beating.

Wow. For somebody who describes herself as an advocate for abuse victims, Mrs. Gilles seems pretty willing to co-opt the pain of her subjects for her own political martyrdom. Is she actually equating her idiotic political pangs to those who truly suffer? For her, Kerry lost. For others, they may live life as a literal slave, subject to beatings, rape or worse, but it is all the same to her. Come on, Melba, put down the silly Jesus act long enough to realize how insulting your advocacy really is. She continues;

How to break free? Again, the answer is quite simple. First, you must admit you are a victim. Then, you must declare the state of affairs unacceptable. Next, you must promise to protect yourself and everyone around you that is being victimized. You don't do this by responding to their demands, or becoming more like them, or engaging in logical conversation, or trying to persuade them that you are right. You also don't do this by going catatonic and resigned, by closing up your ears and eyes and covering your head and submitting to the blows, figuring its over faster and hurts less is you don't resist and fight back. Instead, you walk away. You find other folks like yourself, 56 million of them, who are hurting, broken, and beating themselves up. You tell them what you've learned, and that you aren't going to take it anymore. You stand tall, with 56 million people at your side and behind you, and you look right into the eyes of the abuser and you tell him to go to hell. Then you walk out the door, taking the kids and gays and minorities with you, and you start a new life. The new life is hard. But it's better than the abuse.

That's right, pick it all up and walk out that door. Please for the love of Jesus, leave us gay hatin', gun smokin', cigar tokin', banjo strokin', sister pokin' cretins behind. Youbess leave, or we'll smack you around (vote Bush) again. You know your problem, Melba? You just don't know how to FUCKING LISTEN! Wait, that felt good... HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, MY GIRLIE MAGS AINT YUR BIZNESS! COME HERE, YOU... Sorry, I guess I am an abuser. And you know what? I'll be smackin' people around until I think they get the my point: the left really has run out of ideas if this is their idea of an idea.

Perhaps the stinkiest loaf slips out in the last paragraph:

Any battered woman in America, any oppressed person around the globe who has defied her oppressor will tell you this: There is nothing wrong with you. You are in good company. You are safe. You are not alone. You are strong. You must change only one thing: Stop responding to the abuser. Don't let him dictate the terms or frame the debate (he'll win, not because he's right, but because force works). Sure, we can build a better grassroots campaign, cultivate and raise up better leaders, reform the election system to make it failproof, stick to our message, learn from the strategy of the other side. But we absolutely must dispense with the notion that we are weak, godless, cowardly, disorganized, crazy, too liberal, naive, amoral, "loose," irrelevant, outmoded, stupid and soon to be extinct. We have the mandate of the world to back us, and the legacy of oppressed people throughout history.

You see, Mel Gilles has the mandate of the world. She speaks for all peoples of the world. What, don't you remember the election for irrelevant, noisy, frustrated leftists? She won on the Victim ticket and it sounds like a real party. As Neil Young put it, "it's a cold bowl of chili when love lets you down", and it's a cold bowl of chili they're selling from the left nowadays, but Americans like their chili hot and their beer cold. Elections really are that simple: if you're selling chili, it better be hot. And we don't like that room-temp brew they sell us in Europe either.

Perhaps the saddest part of this lovely slice of pant-fruit is that the author also runs a site ( to "revitalize the conservation movement in the U.S.". As a committed conservationist, it truly is depressing that the best the "Movement" often can muster is flacid victimhood.

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