Sunday, January 30, 2005

Iraq speaks... Nathan is Born...

If you didn't nearly cry at the site of people dancing, singing and celebrating in the streets of Mesopotamia today, I can bet that you have no heart beating in your chest. In it's place is probably a nice square of Roquefort Papillon with a rind of wheatgrass, forged in the moist cool caves of Cambalou. Seriously folks, all Frenchy jokes aside, I nearly lost it on more than on occasion today thinking of this election, which is the purest revenge and the most powerful repudiation of Saddam to be had for the Iraqis. It made me truly proud of the vote I cast in November. More proud than any vote I have ever cast. I don't see it as too far of a stretch to say that the election of November begat the election of January.

Perhaps I'm a sappy sod. Or maybe the true weight of today was driven home this morning as I sped to the hospital, listening for any news I could about the polls in Babylon, Mosul, Kirkuk and the rest. I was racing the clock for the birth of my nephew Nathan to my sister Christina and her partner of a decade Aime. I missed the real action, but that doesn't mean anything. As I held this new perfect being in my arms (my 26th niece or nephew!!), I couldn't help but reflect upon the sheer revolutionary aspect of this new arrival. Christina and Amie are one of many stable, healthy Gay couples in America who are changing the way families are formed. But this to me is not about gay/straight or any of the bullshit posturing involved with that current public squabble. Today, my sisters broke themselves of the conventions of society. Nathan was born into a union as committed and healthy as any I know. It wasn't intended as some significant statement, or political manifesto. It was an act of love, the logical extension of themselves.

So too have the Iraqis spoken. I doubt there where many who voted who fully comprehend the international implications of their actions. I doubt many see that the only recent parallel to be drawn is the fall of the Wall in '89. The dominoes started falling more rapidly then than they probably will now, but there is no other event I can think of that has the potential to affect vast swaths of humanity. The planting of personal choice into what is the geographic heart of the Caliphate has to be viewed by the despots and Mullahs as the ultimate challenge to "pure" Islam. Despite the efforts of the useful idiots in the press to mislead us as to the nature of "pure" Islam, we can now see that the claims against "the imposition of Western-style Democracy" (as if we are speaking of barbecue sauce) ring hollow against the backdrop of millions of women voting in Islamic regions. Who thought the insane-left-clown-posse's admonition that we are "forcing Democracy down the throats of indigenous people with no interest in our form of BLAH FUCKING BLAH..", would be proven not only wrong, but epochly stupid.

I would like to add to Thomas's eloquent message to the so-called progressives. If you can't see the importance of this election to the cause of peace, not only do you have fancy cheese in place of a heart, but you also have fine wine (Lefitte '82, anybody?) for brains. The ability to connect dots was never a strongpoint for the left. Everything is abstract. We don't simply eat, we consume the flesh of innocent animals. We don't drink, we suck the blood of innocents world-wide. We don't go to work to earn a living, we go to work to further our lavish consumption. We don't go to war to free those tortured for millennia, we go to war for oil (as if we wouldn't have taken it long ago).

Maybe it's inappropriate to lump these two events together, but both these things happened today, and both affected me deeply...And this is my blog. Maybe there's not an analogy there, after all Chris and Aime aren't recognized as a union in today's America, but isn't it ironic that Nathan's birth could not possibly have occurred in old Iraq. Perhaps never in new Iraq either, but the people will make that call now.

Iraq election message

Of all the possible things I wish to say on what is a glorious day to millions, I am choosing to write an open letter to a certain "special" audience. I shall choose the words of my opening sentences carefully:
Hey Shitwads!! Yes, those who choose to play politics with the destiny of the Iraqi people and never hesitate to voice any belittlment to America's efforts there--no matter how low or nihilistic--Eat Shit Babayyyy!! Yeah, it's not real democracy they're getting because we're forcing it on them, huh. Yeah, well tell that to the 72% of Iraqis who seem to believe it is by voting under the threats of killers, knowing they could have died doing it. NOW try telling them, that despite their tears and songs and defiant rejoicing in the streets, that it doesn't mean anything and that it's all a sham. Well, I think if they could all be here with me posting this, they would join with me in telling you to go and choke on your own DONGS--all the while flipping you the most awesome, meaningful bird in the history of the bird, the one with the voter ink on it! Today, your purposful sowing of despair about everything Iraq to obstruct the democratic process there and psych out the people of the world (particularly americans) from supporting it, meant absolutely nothing. Today, your words were empty. So now I give to you the words of O'Rourke, which couldn't be more appropriate than today, to hopefully learn your vain asses a good, much needed lesson--Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
--End of message to "shitwads".

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Holy Sorry Sack of Shit, Batman...

I have read on the web many people who supported the Cowboy's reelection bristling at the thought of being called the dreaded C-word. No, sicko, not that C-word... I'm talking about the scarlet letter of the new century--Conservative. I too once squirmed at the thought of being addressed by that stinky little word. Now I wear the scarlet C it with a certain rebellious "Fuck Yeah". As in "America, Fuck Yeah" (see Thomas's #9 for 2004).

Since when is it bad to conserve? Aren't we Americans fools for not conserving enough? I once was a one-issue voter on conservation issues. I am now a one-issue voter on the conservation of our nation's very set of ideals because I realize that conservation is not on top of the most pressing issues for people under the modern Caliphate, I will now support our efforts in stamping out the Caliphate. Our little list of causes that we keep as westerners (we all have them) is useless without the preservation of personal choice. That, to me, is what our system is really about. That is also what many on the left forget.

Here is a perfect example of how I started my current political journey. This little gem by Mel Gilles (in this month's Salt Lake lefty bum-fodder Catalyst) actually caught me by surprise, seeing as I thought that I had heard it all and that nobody could top some of the crazy shit I've read and heard since 9/11. It begins:

Watch Dan Rather apologize for not getting his facts straight, humiliated before the eyes of America, voluntarily undermining his credibility and career of over 30 years.

Voluntarily undermining his credibility? Er, yeah... And Nixon voluntarily resigned. I love it when a piece makes me cranky from sentence numero uno.

Observe Donna Brazille squirm as she is ridiculed by Bay Buchanan, and pronounced irrelevant and nearly non-existent. Listen as Donna and Nancy Pelosi and Senator Charles Schumer take to the airwaves saying that they have to go back to the drawing board and learn from their mistakes and try to be better, more likable, more appealing, have a stronger message, speak to morality. Watch them awkwardly quote the Bible, trying to speak the new language of America. Surf the blogs, and read the comments of dismayed, discombobulated, confused individuals trying to figure out what they did wrong. Hear the cacophony of voices, crying out, "Why did they beat me?"

Here's the stinky part:

And then ask anyone who has ever worked in a domestic violence shelter if they have heard this before. They will tell you, every single day.

The answer is quite simple. They beat us because they are abusers. We can call it hate. We can call it fear. We can say it is unfair. But we are looped into the cycle of violence, and we need to start calling the dominating side what they are: abusive. And we need to recognize that we are the victims of verbal, mental, and even, in the case of Iraq, physical violence.

As victims, we can't stop asking ourselves what we did wrong. We can't seem to grasp that they will keep hitting us and beating us as long as we keep sticking around and asking ourselves what we are doing to deserve the beating.

Wow. For somebody who describes herself as an advocate for abuse victims, Mrs. Gilles seems pretty willing to co-opt the pain of her subjects for her own political martyrdom. Is she actually equating her idiotic political pangs to those who truly suffer? For her, Kerry lost. For others, they may live life as a literal slave, subject to beatings, rape or worse, but it is all the same to her. Come on, Melba, put down the silly Jesus act long enough to realize how insulting your advocacy really is. She continues;

How to break free? Again, the answer is quite simple. First, you must admit you are a victim. Then, you must declare the state of affairs unacceptable. Next, you must promise to protect yourself and everyone around you that is being victimized. You don't do this by responding to their demands, or becoming more like them, or engaging in logical conversation, or trying to persuade them that you are right. You also don't do this by going catatonic and resigned, by closing up your ears and eyes and covering your head and submitting to the blows, figuring its over faster and hurts less is you don't resist and fight back. Instead, you walk away. You find other folks like yourself, 56 million of them, who are hurting, broken, and beating themselves up. You tell them what you've learned, and that you aren't going to take it anymore. You stand tall, with 56 million people at your side and behind you, and you look right into the eyes of the abuser and you tell him to go to hell. Then you walk out the door, taking the kids and gays and minorities with you, and you start a new life. The new life is hard. But it's better than the abuse.

That's right, pick it all up and walk out that door. Please for the love of Jesus, leave us gay hatin', gun smokin', cigar tokin', banjo strokin', sister pokin' cretins behind. Youbess leave, or we'll smack you around (vote Bush) again. You know your problem, Melba? You just don't know how to FUCKING LISTEN! Wait, that felt good... HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, MY GIRLIE MAGS AINT YUR BIZNESS! COME HERE, YOU... Sorry, I guess I am an abuser. And you know what? I'll be smackin' people around until I think they get the my point: the left really has run out of ideas if this is their idea of an idea.

Perhaps the stinkiest loaf slips out in the last paragraph:

Any battered woman in America, any oppressed person around the globe who has defied her oppressor will tell you this: There is nothing wrong with you. You are in good company. You are safe. You are not alone. You are strong. You must change only one thing: Stop responding to the abuser. Don't let him dictate the terms or frame the debate (he'll win, not because he's right, but because force works). Sure, we can build a better grassroots campaign, cultivate and raise up better leaders, reform the election system to make it failproof, stick to our message, learn from the strategy of the other side. But we absolutely must dispense with the notion that we are weak, godless, cowardly, disorganized, crazy, too liberal, naive, amoral, "loose," irrelevant, outmoded, stupid and soon to be extinct. We have the mandate of the world to back us, and the legacy of oppressed people throughout history.

You see, Mel Gilles has the mandate of the world. She speaks for all peoples of the world. What, don't you remember the election for irrelevant, noisy, frustrated leftists? She won on the Victim ticket and it sounds like a real party. As Neil Young put it, "it's a cold bowl of chili when love lets you down", and it's a cold bowl of chili they're selling from the left nowadays, but Americans like their chili hot and their beer cold. Elections really are that simple: if you're selling chili, it better be hot. And we don't like that room-temp brew they sell us in Europe either.

Perhaps the saddest part of this lovely slice of pant-fruit is that the author also runs a site ( to "revitalize the conservation movement in the U.S.". As a committed conservationist, it truly is depressing that the best the "Movement" often can muster is flacid victimhood.

Iraqi Election Countdown...

More and more of my lefty compadres are now showing some sort of sympathy for the Iraqi plight--no I don't mean the so-called torture that Americans are inflicting upon the "freedom fighters". The plight of which I speak is the plight of those who wish to cast votes in peace. Never before have we seen such a vicious attack on the democratic rights of a people. But the people will speak and to argue that many will be "disenfranchised" (the Sunni) is to argue that the majority of Iraqis wishes are invalid. So some will not be able to vote. Does that mean that first Arab-Shiite political majority is invalid? Was the reelection of Lincoln invalid because the South by and large did not vote? Or are all elections before 1960 invalid because of a racist and sexist society that did not allow women or people of color to vote? So was FDR illegitimate?

Democracy has always been an unfair, unwieldy form of rule. It also is the least unfair and unwieldy form of governance. I'll paraphrase Churchill (for street cred); Democracy is by far the worst form of government--except all the rest.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

9/11 hip hop

You've heard the term "9/11 Republican" (which could describe my politics, but I prefer "balls out as hell with Bush", since I'm not exclusively Republican). But 9/11 rappers and MC's?
Rapper Germaine Williams, aka Canibus, has joined the US Army, and, apparently, inferring from these lyrics, has gone tear-assing around the Middle East looking for "the shit."

Draft me! I wanna fight for my country Jump in a humvee and murder those monkeys! Draft me! I'm too dedicated to fail Justice must prevail

Fuckin with my freedom, leave a muh'fucker bleedin Leave 'em in pain like a infant when he teethin It's huntin season, and ya loved ones grievin...Face down, dick in the dirt, hit 'em where it hurt Make the enemy my lil' bitch in a skirt...And I'ma hold my weapon right cuz I was trained in the Corp You don't want no trouble, whole city reduced to rubble And we gon' make it happen, quick, fast, and on the double Draft me!

So who better but me, and put to sleep the enemy...Draft me, pass me the M-16...Give me a buzz cut, ask me if I give a fuck...I'm comin out blastin, military four-fashion.

This, to me, is very interesting because I actually bought a Canibus record a couple years ago after considering a recommendation from some dude telling me that "Everyone know that 'Bis got tha illest rhymes." Well, frankly, I did not know that. But I did know that was certainly about the "illest" recommendation that I'd ever received, so I took heed and bought Rip the Jacker--his newest. Then the other day I'm rapping about rap music with this dude in my department, and me, trying to sound totally informed about the "underground", bring up Canibus, and he tells me that Canibus in Iraq with the Army. I didn't believe him so I did some of my own research, while discovering the above-mentioned lyrics to a song he did in late 2001 (crude but capturing well the spirit of '01). Sure enough, he did in fact join the Army as a Calvary Reconnaisance Scout (average combat life expectancy--17 seconds) and has either been to Iraq and come home or is still deployed there currently. Amazing. Today's american military are truly our best and brightest, not in the cliche sense or the trite, ritual manner in which that phrase has been used at times in the past.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Iraqi Election Countdown, Six days.....

"What good has ever come of war?"... "If we just build a giant peace dove out of paper mache, or a bush-devil pinata with a red face"... "We all know who the real fascist is"..."What about Nicaragua, or Chile?"... "No WMDs! Ha,Ha,Ha...WMD...WMD... Did I mention WMD?"

Okay, Marv. Focus for a second. We are talking about Iraq, not Iran contra or Pinochet. Iraq, man, Iraq. That being said, if you ruly are about the people, then why every people on Earth but Iraq? Save your answer for your friends at the juice counter at Wild Oats, Marv. In the meantime, the real "Most Important Election of our Lives" happens in six days. Now that you know you can't stop it, your only hope is to discredit it. Strange how eager and willing people are to sacrifice for the chance to vote in this "illegitimate" election. But be mindful, my fine peace-loving friend, of this guy and thousands of others like him who are eager to avenge the dead and maimed in their families in the only peaceful way we know: the election of their leaders. This act contains in it a power that rivals all of the brutal oppression that enslaved the people of Iraq. Would you travel across timezones for the right to vote? I know you'll travel across timezones to see Phish, but that doesn't count.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Flick recommend to Sean (and to any possible readers, of course)

I watched a very good movie on video, "Breaker Morant"; an Australian film from 1980, about the true events of a controvertial military court-martial of three soldiers at the end of the Boer War in South Africa at the turn of the century. I rarely see any political movies as good as this one. You might recognize the fellow from The Equalizer in the starring role. Though I'd never heard of this flick before, it could very well be a widely known movie and I'm the dipshit that's now telling you something to the effect of; "hey, did you know that there's, like, totally religious symbolism and stuff in The Matrix, and shit?". But either way, it's a very good film, and shit.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Iraqi election countdown -- Nine days....

Let us see Wretchard, by virtue of brilliance, slay all fools before him. Part 1 (game). Part 2 (set). Part3 (match). If you haven't figured it out already, remember to check Belmont Cub daily. The best web-only commentary on World War IV.

2004 Top Ten thingies

10. The year of the blog--now more than ever before there is serious critical scrutiny in media.
9. Team America, aka America, Fuck yeah!! Year's best, funniest, most insightful movie.
8. Boston Red Sox do the impossible--while majority of players wear huge lettuce.
7. Falluja, 11/04. U.S. Marines show usual lethal efficiency by killing barbarian enemy wholesale, delivering poetic justice to the Western-Shiite-Nepalese-Kurdish headhunters.
6. Bush wins re-election and we get back to business after the 20-something-generation crowd of blue-flame specials and baby boomers have their chance to speak.
5. Arafat--D.A.F. (dead as fuck). The sultan of fraud finally kicks the bucket and almost overnight we begin to hear overtures of peace. Geez, who coulda guessed that?
4. Americans implicitly show that they are not weary of fighting terror war by re-electing Bush, sending message to enemy that their own grand strategy--that of easily wearing down American public support to fight them because we're too squeamish about casualties--is dead wrong. I'd even go as far as to say W.A.F (wrong as fuck).
3. Salt Lake City gets their own major league soccer team, Real Salt Lake. You know, as in Real Madrid? Wtf? Oh yippyyy, I feel cum-plete! **I know, I know, I've used my yearly C-word, and so early in the year even. So I guess it's ciao for now, C-word, until we meet again in '06.
2. Blogger CBFTW, an american soldier in Iraq, starts blogging from the warzone and produces the most gritty, realistic, and hysterical prose about the war so far. His complete honesty and tendency to not hold anything back from his stories made it one helluva blucking fog.
1. Zell Miller challenges Chris Matthews to face him in a duel after Matthews' stinking piousness during that whole week finally hit somebody's breaking point, and that somebody totally went "dueling banjo" on his ass.

Update: Sean lists his own Top Ten Thingies (tm), but with a few bad ones:

10. The appearance of patchy back-hair. I go twenty-seven years with pretty much the same amount of fur on my back and I wake up one morning in my twenty-eighth year with all this natty dread. I don't mind a little hair-pie on the back, but does it really have to be patchy?
9.The Jazz theft of 'Los Boozer from the Cavs. That was a big internet-event for me.
8. The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Great flick with outrageous plot. I don't know, it just hit me hard, I guess. I didn't shake it for days.
7.Mos Defs' ghetto-rockin' New Danger. This guy is the best there is in hip-hop. Nobody I've heard has the abilities of this cat. Hard rock, crooning, blasting ghetto-beat shit. Mark it- he is the Miles of hip-hop.
6.Mark Hacking. This sick fuck has proven me right about my home state: pound-for-pound, Utah produces crazies at a rate rivaling their collective birth rate. From Gary Gilmore to Bundy to the Laferties to Singer/Swapp to Mark Hoffman, and on and on. Some crazy mutherfuckers, no?
5.I know this one is a big fat cliche by now, but Michael Moore. He sort of cleansed the colon of our nation, forcing the lower gaseous bowels of politics to purge themselves . After his film came out, you knew who the gullible ones in society were. You knew that from "Well, just look at the Carlyle Group and skull 'n bones...." that you could destroy this person with laser-guided precision.
4.Prince. The co-best show this year (see #3.) Listen, I like Prince and all but I seriously had no idea how this show would kick my ass. I mean, he had Maceo Fucking Parker on the sax and Fred Wesley on the 'Bone. He's also a vastly under-appreciated guitarist. He should be lauded for creating a lucrative online career as well.
3.Gang Starr. The other co-best show. These guys started all of it. Premier is the most emulated artist in any genre.
2.Home ownership. Bought a house with my lady and couldn't be happier... or poorer..
1.Americas bitch-slappinest moment in decades came when we grabbed our lefty brothers and sisters and shook them, shook them hard and good, and made them look into our eyes while we told them, "We want a man in office, yes even a cowboy man. And we want him to pound our enemies into powder and purge them of the lower gaseous bowels of the world."

websites for the gray matter

My university newspaper today had a piece about the internet's "most worthless sites." The first one,
Here's a game where you're presented with a button. The challenge is, predictably, to see how long you can hold the button down. How? Click on it with your mouse and don't let go. The timer starts counting when you press. It shows how your time compares to that of others.
Now, this website would be none-too-noteworthy were it not for two exceptions: a) it's mere existence, and b) because, as of now, the highest record is two days and one hour...and that's only the record from within the last week.

The next one,, while not as special as Hold The Button, did provide me with one small service: I now have a new favorite phrase to serve as filler in all my conversations with others.

**Bonus feature--you can create your own "You're the man now, dog" webpage at with a background, text and any "you're the man now, dog" soundclip of your choosing, as well as view the ytmnd creations of many others!!

See ya, Carlos.....

There goes Arroyo. He'll be a good guard if he can put down his ego for long enough....

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Houston, we have a comment...

CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK! We have officially received our first INFDL comment, folks! Known to his friends simply as VF, we are sure he'll enjoy his lovely set of SPARK PLUG FEELER GAUGES!* Wait, there's more... In addition to the afore mentioned bitchin' gift, we're feelin' wacky here at INFDL, so here is a bitchin' bonus gift: A brand new, shiny, never taken to the boy's room, VICTORIA'S SECRET CATALOGUE!** Now VF will have the pleasure of "gapping" his spark plugs while enjoying the many talents of those lovely ladies! Enjoy, VF...Enjoy...

*Feeler gauges have been sent to a local parts store near you, VF. To redeem said prize, just present a few dollars at the cashier.

**Victorias Secret catalogue will arrive in your mailbox shortly.

'Los Arroyo is toast...

Arroyo is on the chopping block. Looks like Sloan agrees with me about 'Los mailing in the season after a fat contract and ascending to deity status in Puerto Rico. See previous post.

Iraqi Election Countdown...

Ten days, kids. I'm thinking of hosting an Iraqi election party and inviting all of my lefty compadres. Sounds like a disaster, but a fun one....

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The Economist on Our Boys

Today when I was supposed to be studying in the library, I strutted (with shirt off, of course) over to the periodicals and picked up a couple-months-old issue of The Economist--say what you will about it's mostly boring content. I'd see what the old, priggish Economist writers had to say about, oh, Iraq circa 23 October 2004 (just one I randomly picked up, acutally). I came accross this tasty quote detailing American forces' tactics in reference to British soldiers being moved in to patrol Baghdad to free up enough Marines to lay waste to Falluja's soldiers of god. Here it is:

Lining the southern road to Fallujah, an important supply-route for the insurgents, the towns are patrolled but not controlled by American marines. Among the many violent crimes common in the area, kidnapping is a speciality. The standard view of British soldiers as smiley peacekeepers compared with America's trigger-happy killers is too simplistic--as the expenditure of bullets in Amarah suggests. But it is true that British soldiers are better at building trust with locals, and are slower to shoot at suspected enemies and more careful to kill them when they do.

This is not because they are better disciplined than the Americans, but because their training is different. Where British troops aim to expend no more bullets than is necessary, American troops, confident in their logistical support, aim to vaporise their foe in a storm of fire. Against many determined assailants--if not in a thronging market place--the American way may sometimes be best.

This may have been meant to be a slur against American troops in Iraq, I'm not sure (I'm never quite sure where stands this publication), but it had me cracking a smile, knowing the personality of our boys. These youngsters are in the middle of a GD fucking shitstorm over there, of course they're going to use all at their disposal in the second-to-second situations they face all the time so as to make it home to base one more night. Wouldn't you, stuffy Economist writer?

Btw, as dull as The Economist can be most of the time, it goes nowhere near the level of abject dullness that oozes from the pages of The New Yorker, a publication Tom Wolfe brilliantly puts as "The land of the living dead." Bravo, Mr. White Suit man (this could be a terrific "Real men of genius" spot).

Iraqi Election Countdown...

Only eleven days left for the terrorists in Iraq and the leftists at home to derail the dream of freedom for our Iraqi brothers and sisters. They've got their work cut out. Millions (many of them leftist themselves) are expected to reject both camps on the 30th of January. Expect more violence in Iraq and more assistance from the media in the form of "all-violence-all-day" coverage. It's hard for me to figure out what's more disgusting to me; the afore mentioned butchery or the apparent glee with which the leftist watch the blood-letting. For both camps know that with every head dropped to the ground, with every arm ripped from it's host, and with every innocent vaporized, America can expect more hate and vitriol. That, of course, is the most important thing in the world: let America know how evil it is, no matter who has to die to make that point.

I wonder if any of those offering apologies on behalf of all Americans concerned with peace and understanding will offer apologies for the chance to vote. For nobody should be forced to have the chance to vote. Or perhaps they'll offer up apologies if they secure their goal of total American humiliation (withdrawal), which in turn guarantees the slaughter of thousands. Want to see a biblical-scale bloodbath? Then bring our troops home now.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Welcome Insta-peeps!

If you're in from Instapundit, welcome! We hope you enjoy our drivel. And for a limited time, if become our first official commentor, we'll throw in this INCREDIBLE SET OF CONVENIENT SPARK-PLUG FEELER GAUGES!*

*commenter must purchase said sparkplug feeler gauges at any store nation-wide.

A little Guitarblogging, no?.....

First, I am a guitarist and cellist. Second, I'm a closet drummer (like most guitarists). I enjoy the keys, but am a woeful keyboardist. As a composer, the production of scores for television and games is one source of income and one day I will compose for film as well. However, I've had a recurring problem with scores, seeing as it takes me a fortnight to produce any given part for orchestra or whatever. So, I'd been exploring the possibilities of a MIDI interface that would allow me to utilize the many scoring software programs available (Sibelious, Nuendo, sonar, etc.). I'd read nightmare story after nightmare story about Guitar-to-MIDI converters, saying that they don't track well or aren't useful in real-time. Well, on a whim, I went ahead and bought a "Roland ready" Mexican Statocaster and a Roland GI-20 Midi-guitar interface as a combo on eBay just to see what I'd be able to pull off and am happy to report that not only does it track well with proper setup, but it has completely changed my approach to computer composition. Instead of laboring through a score that might eat up two weeks, it can now be done in hours. A big bonus is my ability to produce drum tracks with my fingers as well (killing two obsessions at once).

There are a few work-arounds for composition. The first being that when you record MIDI tracks, you do produce many unwanted notes that have to go in and delete before you print a score, lest you have unintended grace-notes showing up on paper. Many of the notes, however, are practically inaudible and not detrimental to performance. Also, you must carefully choose patches for performance, seeing as the afore mentioned grace notes tend to "re-trigger" the sound and produce unsightly artifacts. Piano and organ patches work great. Finally, the pitch-bend algorithm should be used sparingly and with caution as it can produce some weird out-of tuneness. I haven't quite figured out how to use it right, I guess.

Over all, I honestly think my computer experience will never be the same. Don't listen to the naysayers (Miles being one) who say that you MUST play the piano to effectively score something. Current technology is crazy and will only get crazier. I can't wait for the future.

Speaking of the Ukraine...

Thomas, who will be posting here when he's not busy working towards his Masters (See "New Kid on the Block...."), also had the unique experience of being an election observer in the Ukraine for the initial vote and subsequent recount. He was based in the East and the West, and has many interesting stories and insight. More soon....

Scenes from Condi's confrontation..err..confirmation...

What a dull affair. I won't dignify efforts to provide the Old Gray Nutsack (NY Tmes) with five-word out-of-context headlines that most members of the panel are obsessed. One example I can't resist. That clown-assed republican (Missed his name, sorry) from Rhode Island who had the "courage" to stand up to Condi's brazen attack on Chavez in Venezuela. After all, he said, the Venezuelan people had spoken and that shows disrespect for the Democratic process. What a crock of ass-sweat that is. Just because Carter declared it peachy (Hmm.. Could that be because Chavez is a Leftist crony of Castro?) doesn't necessarily make it so. Chavez's "election" was a classic communist whitewash on par with the recent Ukrainian gacking heaped upon Putin.

Update: Chrissy Dodd, of the sovereign nation of Connecticut, just finished giving Condi some advice on torture: talk to McCain. Of course this is an attempt to hijack this hearing for head of State, which has little say on the issue of interrogation, and turn it into another club to beat Bush with. Let me say this. All those guilty will be ashamed soon enough for their use of this brilliant lady as a billy club against the president. She just may rule the free world some day. And that, perhaps, is why so many White liberals feel threatened by her. Aside: Barak Obama continues to impress, this guy really might be the only hope of his party.

New Kid on the Block. Well, I'm actually almost 30, but...

Greetings from the "Jerry Springer", er, "Sunshine" State!!! Hi, I'm the new guy that will be posting here now and again along with my homie Sean (what up Danielzz!). I'd like to use my very first post to extend a big merci beaucoup to blogger for this unbelievably cherry service that they provide to us who wish to share our thoughts and/or be heard. I don't quite know what I intend to write about or how often (world politics and other sticky subjects semi-regularly, I reckon). But one thing I do know is that I intend to talk about very sweet and totally kool topics from time to time that may be useful, in some way, to some of you, or for just late nite brain candy, I suppose. **warning** I do not promise not to bore. Later for now.

Sean Adds: Welcome, Tominator! I'm sure that I speak for all three of our readers when I say "May your loins be full of fruit, and may that fruit be sweet!"

Monday, January 17, 2005

Happy MLK day!

Happy Martin Luther King day, evrybody. Let's all sit and think about something. Many times, we find ourselves speaking of the "Founding Fathers" as some phrase reserved for the guys we see on money, or those that fought in the Revolutionary War or signed the Declaration. No so, I say. I believe that we actually have a growing list of those who we might consider a "Founding Father" in every sense of the phrase. FDR comes to mind, as does Lincoln and even John Wesley Powell. But on the short list of modern American Greats, there is one man who triggered change so profound and so powerfull, it is hard to imagine where we would be without him. Less than forty years ago, we had a country that was literally incomplete. We had democracy, but unjust democracy. So I'll ask; Where would we be without MLK? And was there a more important person in the second half of last century?

Saturday, January 15, 2005

There's no wisdom in conventional wisdom...

Back in the late nineties, when Clintons' creative use of tobacco products had the entire conservative world blushing with jealousy, I remember thinking something like this; "Jeez, these cats really hate this guy." No, let me rephrase, "Jeez, these cats really fucking hate this guy." Although I limply supported the impeachment at the time (more to put a much needed period at the end of that affair), I just couldn't wrap my head around the pure hatred that an entire chunk of America was displaying towards this guy. He wasn't really all that liberal, I thought. At least compared to say, Jimmy Carter, or Nixon for that matter.

As an enviro-activist, I was excited about some of Clintons' controversial policy moves (see Grand Staircase/Escalante National Monument), but the law is a bitch, I figured, and he should know better than to perjure himself. I wasn't even twenty years old then, but I could see that around every bend in that episode, Clinton was skinning conservatives alive. The most amazing thing about it was the ease with which Clinton dispatched his enemies (see Livingston and Gingrich) and the fact that he did it virtually alone, and certainly without the help of his fellow Democrats, who were busy squandering a historic political dominance.
At that time, the right was losing hair fast and was stuck in a knee-jerk tape loop--"Must kill Bill (kick self in ass)...Must kill Bill (kick self in ass)...Must.." This was the conventional wisdom of the right at the time; Clinton must be inihilated.

Which brings me to the current president. In some circles the evil Texan currently bares the blame for everything from the Tsunami to the poop on one's front lawn. But in the grand tradition of Clinton, he manages to destroy his enemies, both political and literal. All this despite not speaking a word of English. And yet again, we have a tape loop--"Must kill George (kick self in ass)...Must kill George (kick self in ass)...Must" Bush must be beheaded--this is the conventional wisdom of the current Left, except now instead of costing us a few Speakers of the House, it may cost us the war. And for the sake of all of the causes and advocacies that are dear to us, we should win this war. Why? Because our system has proven over time to be flexible enough to allow us to repair injustices (however slowly), correct our path and advance the cause of sometimes imperfect justice. That ,at least, should be offered to the Iraqi people after the hell they've been through.

If you favor women's rights, environmental and cultural resource preservation, and multicultural understanding, then the Caliphate is certainly not the ideal system. I realize that some hate our president worse than a colonic polyp. I also realize that other people hate him even worse. That much the left shares with Islamofascism, but what you don't see is that the Islamists hate the lefties just as much, and they don't much appreciate their advocacy. And they're playing them like a hooker plays the skin-flute.

Friday, January 14, 2005

International law? What international law?

Disclaimer; please excuse the overbearing use of the "Chomsky Scare Quote(tm)" in the following commentary.

As the proud owner of an ill-gotten high school diploma, I feel qualified, even over-qualified to make the following statement: the Belgian model of law, complete with full consideration of the "human rights" of known child slaughterers, concubine takers, and jew skinners, and it's unspoken purpose of countering the American scourge of KKKapitalism is as Woody Allen would say, "the Zenith of Mongoloid Reasoning".

Take into consideration the world-wide law movement's accomplishments of the previous year. In the Darfur region of Sudan, as many of you already know, the international body recognized by Belgians world-wide as the sole arbiter of justice on Earth and the cosmos, has sprung into life saving action. What action you might ask? The action of discussing whether or not genocide is happening (currently not). Believe it or not, but that's exactly where the World Body stands today. After months of slaughter, the UN is seriously considering the serious use of that serious word. Thank God (or Allah, or Mother Earth, or Che)! Now if we can just get them to stop raping little girls for a moment, then we could get them to focus their vast enterprises on the incredible destruction wrought upon our brothers and sisters in and around the Indian ocean. As of this writing, UNICEF have had all sorts of urgent meetings in fancy hotels about the destruction. They've even made really serious statements about the destruction, and we know how effective statements are (see Sudan).

No doubt, says Piere or Jan, America and it's fascist puppet-states should have learned their lesson about the build-up of the military-industrial complex. But he forgets how usefull things like helicopters, advanced communications, fast-deploy troops, water stills, portable hospitals and the like are in true human emergency situations. Just ask just about any soul in the affected areas which color of helmet they see on those passing out rice. It probably isn't Blue.

Just as as wonderful as their impressive "humanitarian" abilities is the nack they have for lining the pockets (to the tune of tens of billions) of such human rights luminaries as Hussein and Arafat while their people literally withered. Perhaps the question should be rephrased; "Now, how do you suppose Arafat become a multi-billionaire, Klaus? Was he selling antiques?" Current Arab leadership have bluggeoned an entire generation into reflexively lashing out at Israel and the United States for all of their woes. This gives them the leverage they need to excersize control over the population, while at the same time robbing them blind.

But, what is the ultimate proof of the "effectiveness of World law"? As the result of years of coddling by the entire international cast (including the U.S. and excluding Israel), Iran, India, Pakistan, North Korea, China, possibly Saudi Arabia, possibly Syria, formerly Libya (no thanks to those cowboys out west), and a number of countries to be discovered later, are nuclear. That is the ultimate gift from the United Nations to you and your posterity. In fact, it is the gift that keeps on giving : the gift of shining reflective skin that disintegrates on contact. The gift of dorsal fins for your great-great grand children (if you happened to be underground for the initial hit). Best of all, the gift of the most beautiful sunset in the history of the world. And as you enjoy that sunset, say a prayer of thanks for the everlasting wisdom of Brussels.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

It's not my responsibility...

to disprove your kooky theories. Listen Marv, just because you thought it up doesn't mean that when we argue I get to disprove your belief that George Bush is a pregnant robot created by Walmart and Bill Gates to birth the next Pope . Sorry man, but I know you thought that shit up while hitting your hooka that's shaped into the profile of Che. Speaking of said hooka..... pass it my way, my lefty compadre....

Why ASV rules...

If you haven't already, go here and find out why it's one of life's little pleasures. This is but a taste, my freind.

Remember that thing I just said about the jazz? Well, um...

I should definitely talk more shit about my beloved Jazz. Look what happened yesterday; I finish a post talking about how disappointed I was in my boys (even though Kirilenko is still out) and bloody PRESTO, my boys beat the flippin' Suns! In case you wonder about the significance of this, this means the Jazz have beaten the two best teams in the league consecutively in the Spurs and the Suns. That means, of course, we're gonna win the rings this year! All we have to do now is figure out how to reverse our current record from 13-24 to 24-13 without David Stern noticing. Does anybody in the audience know how to hack the NBA's database? It's only a few numbers, for god's sake.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Rather was always Brokaw's handmaid....

I wonder how many times over the last two decades Tom Brokaw has back-handed his crazy Texan couterpart. I venture to say, not just once. What a contrast in personalities and what a contrast in exits. While Brokaw leaves his post with the respect of most Americans (even this rather conservative one), with a lifetime of achievement and challenge under his belt, Dan Rather leaves his post as the posterboy for bad journalism, if you can call it that. Never slipping into rank Euro-logic or the leftist clairvoyance of his compadre, Brokaw always had a dignity that Rather could never muster. I'm sure that they've brushed shoulders a few times. Perhaps in Nicaragua or Afghanistan. Or perhaps at some tavern that famous anchors steal away to for a little rhye. Wherever that may be, imagine what kind of banter they engaged in, after a little too much medicine, in say '88;
Rather: "So tell me Tommy, seriously. How'd you score that interview with Ollie North? That cat's as rothy as a Texas Tetse fly with a quarter taped to it's shoulder."
Brokaw: "Dan, cut down on the Habaneros. Your breath, man, Your breath."
Rather: "I mean, the best I could do was fucking Joan Quigly, which was cool on a cosmic level, what with me finding out about my past life as a sea cucumber and..."
Brokaw: "Listen Rather, I'm headed off to climb K fucking 2 tomorrow and I got better shit to..."
Rather: "So I figure that if I just corner the VP and start howling at him like a West Texas Chupacabre," KAPOW!! (Rather hits the ground)
Well, you get the idea. The point being that Rather lost all sense long ago, and I wouldn't doubt that it's because of repeated blunt trauma to the melon... On that note,"Courage!" (as he puts his hand into the air with a Black-Power fist).

Sorry state of Jazz.....

No, not the music (I'm addicted). The basketball team. These sorry clowns have lost 18 of their last 23 games. It gives me gas to think that before this season started, I thought we'd be contenders. And don't play the whole "but Kirilenko's out" bullshit. With AK in the lineup we'd still be sub-500. Okay, okay, calm down, Marvin. This is a three year project and these kids will get better. And besides with a bad enough record they'll have a shot at Bogut in the draft. There you have it. An eternal optimist... But wait, not so fast... The real focus of my disapointment is Carlos Arroyo. In the Olympics he killed evry guard on the planet with ease. What could be the explaination? Is somebody resting on their laurels? Perhaps being the biggest thing in Puerto Rico for a week got to his head. I don't know, but when all is said and done, all that matters is that the Jazz beat the Spurs on Monday for the first time since the days of Lorenzo Snow.

In from the wilds....

Hello, friends. Here lies the blog INFDL. Let us considerate it partly to mostly dead from the beggining so as to achieve two goals:

Goal #1- To immediately lower expectations. As a chronic underachiever (and horrible speller/typist as you will soon enough find out), I sometimes find it difficult to, what's the word... "function". In fact, I sometimes find it difficult to, oh, what's the word... "wipe properly". You get the rather vivid picture. I'm a class A certified raised-in-the-Clinton-years ninny, to borrow a phrase from Grandpa. Just don't expect me to be the next Ken Layne or Glenn Reynolds, folks. To illustrate this issue plainly; I've been typing through an entire episode of Small Wonder and have only gotten this far (more on that crazy robot daughter later). In short: cut me some slack, Marv.

Goal#2- To set a bleak and sorry tone. That may not sound very sexy, but I tend to enjoy very sorry and dark things. A few examples: the night (it's 1:00 Am MST, time for lunch), seclusion, fevers, remote and empty spaces, "falling" dreams, Miles Davis's "electric" period (thanks to Scott McFarland) , running in blizzards, the harmonic minor scale, the Hungarian minor scale, Slayer, so on and so forth.
A few non-examples: the Cure, the Cure's fans, the plague, the Chomsky, club foot, Linkin Park (more on those clowns later), the Whole-Tone scale, Aranofsky's shit movies, Belguim --the whole lot 'em, so on and so forth.
So you can gather that we're in for a late night. But one thing's for certain; ADHD mixed with bourbon, weed and computers means: a messed up computer, some strange music and, if I'm lucky, a young Mexican bride before Dawn.