Newspapers are Doomed

As a conservative my instinct is to gloat about the unfolding destruction of the newspaper industry. They’ve been spouting the Democratic Party line for a long time now, and I kind of like to see them take a boot to the teeth. At the same time, I love newspapers, and I don’t want them to see them go. The Rocky Mountain News will die on Friday, and the San Francisco Chronicle looks like it may be breathing its last as well. This is sad. There’s got to be a way to make the newspaper business work.

More on Computer Game Evil

The talking heads at the Onion argue about whether violent videogames are adequately preparing our children for a violent zombie-infested post apocalyptic world.


Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

Also from the Onion, if you are a fan of the Utah Jazz, this is too true to be funny.

Technology Is Murdering our Children!

Hello? Anybody here? I’ve been gone for a while, but I thought I’d check in with a report on the computers-and-videogames-are-making-us-stupid crowd. The latest fear monger is a neuroscientist named Susan Greenfield. Here’s what the Mail has to say about her worries.

She argued that exposure to computer games, instant messaging, chat rooms and social networking sites could leave a generation with poor attention spans.

I can’t see how instant messaging and chat rooms shorten an attention span any more than sitting around talking with people, and, if anything, computer games help increase attention spans. My seven year old will spend hours at a time trying to beat the evil forces of the Covenant. He works through frustrations, he thinks of new strategies to overcome problems, and he challenges himself with increasing levels of difficulty. How could any of that be bad for his mind?

“I often wonder whether real conversation in real time may eventually give way to these sanitized and easier screen dialogues, in much the same way as killing, skinning and butchering an animal to eat has been replaced by the convenience of packages of meat on the supermarket shelf” she said.

So, wait, is she arguing in favor of screen dialogues here? Because it seems pretty clear to me that simply buying a steak at the store is a hell of a lot better than butchering your own cow.

Lady Greenfield told the Lords a teacher of 30 years had told her that she had noticed a sharp decline in the ability of her pupils to understand others.

Why do I suspect that this teacher simply no longer understands her pupils?"

It is hard to see how living this way on a daily basis will not result in
brains, or rather minds, different from those of previous generations,” she said.

Ah, but different can be better as easily as it can be worse. As Steven Johnson has pointed out in his book “Everything Bad is Good for You”, average I.Q.s have been going up for a long time, and new technology may be responsible for this.

She pointed out that autistic people, who usually find it hard to communicate, were particularly comfortable using computers. “Of course, we do not know whether the current increase in autism is due to more increased awareness and diagnosis of autism or whether it can –if there is a true increase – be in any way lined to an increase in prevelance among people of spending time in screen relationships. Surely it is a point worth considering.”

No, it is not a point worth considering. Autism begins to manifest itself in children when they are around three years old, long before any of them ever log onto Facebook or play Mariokart for the first time. The Baroness’ previous arguments were poor, but here she ascends to Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Educational psychologist Jane Healy believes children should be kept away from computer games until they are seven. Most games trigger only the ‘fight or flight’ region of the brain, rather than the vital areas responsible for reasoning.

Of course, because if my child weren’t playing a videogame, he’d be sitting around “reasoning”.

What crap these people come up with.

Here’s why I have allowed, nay, encouraged, my boy to play videogames since he was five years old:

1) He likes playing videogames.
2) Videogames are father and son time. A bond is created between father and son when they battle side by side against the Nazis hordes or evil alien invaders. And it is a proud moment in any father’s life when they are playing Slayer on Halo against each other and the son blows his father up with a sticky grenade to win his first match. Excuse me, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes.
3) Videogames help my son get comfortable with technology while having fun with it.
4) As I mentioned above,he has learned to set goals (“I’m going to win this game”) and to overcome difficulties (“How the crap are you supposed to kill that brute with the hammer?”). Videogames have been nothing but good when it comes to his attention span.

Unicorns

Hey, Obama, where's my Unicorn? You promised me a fucking Unicorn.

President Elect Obama

The importance of his election cannot be overstated on a cultural level. Our country has some nasty boogie men in the closet for sure. We do, however, tend to do the right thing. Perhaps this event will help our confused, dizzy lefty-buddies come to that realization. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking he is an overflowing douche nozzle. Listen, there are two possibilities here:

1) He pulled a stealthy one on all of the faux revolutionaries and leftist hangers-on that form the inner sanctum of the Chicago scene, and he is really a centrist.

2) He pulled a stealthy one on all of the malleable and Utopian pantywaists that form the young electorate nowadays, and he is really a faux revolutionary and a leftist hanger-on.

I think the latter is more probable. We shall see soon.

Karl adds: Best case scenario, imho, is that he ends up being another Jimmy Carter (a conventional liberal president and a shitty administrator without a whole lot of backbone). Bill Clinton was pretty liberal when he came in with both houses in a democrat majority, but moved toward the center when, imho, he realized what the practicalities of governing were; plus the repub takeover in '94 helped. But I have no idea how Obama would react to similar strong repub showing in 2010, he ain't Bill.

God no

Barf me with a dick.

Karl: Gag! I appreciate the message, and hope the same sentiment is more pervasive nationally than I believe it is, but there is more syrup in those messages than in all the love letters that those douchey english dandies wrote to chicks in Wuthering Heights and all that other Jane Austen shit!

Obama and Shit

Wow. I feel like a major burden has been lifted from the shoulder of my homeland. Not.

This should be the major election bitchslap, we'll see...

This shit is all over the internet right now but its presence is required on INFDL for religious reasons, er, ideological, er, ok, partisan reasons. Really though, here is definitely one case where I can be proud of Republicans and of my tendency to vote for them. True fiscal conservatives are what the Republican party seems to have lost lately. But these Republicans here on the House Financial Services Committee seem to represent well the fiscal conservative spirit that should be manifest in all Republicans, since that has historically been the unifying theme in this party. And how there are even people like Joe Lieberman still left in the Democratic party I have no idea!

Ever wonder what happened to the dinosaurs?

Turns out that the universe that hosts our short visit here is a very violent place, and no amount of money in the bank can change that fact. One interesting thing about this is that if massive meteor impacts that end all life such as these happened at least 65 million years ago (known as the "K-T extinction event"), then how long has our species supposedly been evolving? How long did it take for the salamander-to-human conversion process to occur, if the multi-billion year ranges that evolutionists cite to explain this mystery is not a possibility? I have many problems with evolutionary theory, not with micro-evolution which is actually provable, but with the speculative nature of species-wide macro evolution.

Kobe gets Shaq Fu'd

Thank you, Shaq; aka Shaq Fu, the Diesel, the Big Aristotle (for his shrewdness and skill during an interview), the Big Sewer (because there's so much shit in his game), Shaqcasso (if he were a painter), and most recently Dr. Shaq (for getting his online MBA at the internet University of Phoenix). Thank you, Shaq, for letting us hear the truth, and for helping put to rest the idiotic Kobe-Jordan comparisons that all the silly talking head TV assholes had been propagating during the whole playoffs simply because they are gasbags and nothing else. Kobe couldn't win without Shaq. Then there's the little fact that Kobe needs to first win SIX rings as the sole team leader to even make the comparison valid, and go six for six doing it (I personally believe a prime Jordan woulda won this series with players like Pau Gasol and Odom just as Jordan won with the talented players he was given).

As a side note, I'd also like to thank Shaq for making my ass laugh at him repeatedly from watching all his ridiculous clownery over the years, as this was one of his greatest moments since the time he was asked to comment on Yao Ming's game. To this he replied, "You tell Yao Ming, ching chong ching chong wang, wah ah so." Nice one, Shaq, you cut-up. Can't wait to see how he handles his future Sherriff duties down here in FLA when he's inspecting a Korean grocery store robbery.

SEAN: I just logged in to do my first post in weeks on this very subject, but alas, TommAy you've nailed it better than I ever could have. I just saw this this morning and I laughed my arse off for an hour. Watched it over and over. I can see it now: in every NBA city, the chants of "Hey, Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes!" for the next ten years. Nothing could be more fitting for that fukkin' choke-fetish dominatrix. Funniest thin I've seen since Shaq bitch-slapped Osterteeth in that preseason game. Or when Hakeem round-housed Billy Paultz when he was a rookie. Priceless. Purrrrrr.....

Slow posting to continue...

On account of Jess heading to Cedar City for a Master's in Forensic Psychology in August (scholarship- woo hoo! Way to go, Jess!), my dropping a ring on her finger, her saying yes, the loss of her associated stream of income and our cats, Charles Mingus and Ella Fitzgerald, converting to nasty strain of Feline-Wahhabi Islam, well, my plate is full. I apologize in advance for the advancing rigor mortis of INFDL, but it will creep along like it always has, albeit at a new, even slower pace.

Sordid Utah - Naked Crazy Lady Edition

Gotta love Sandy. From the Salt Lake Tribune:

A woman was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault Tuesday morning after
she allegedly attacked the two passengers of the car she slammed into - all
while naked. The 38-year-old Sandy woman, who has a long history of mental
illness, was driving near 7600 S. 460 East at about 7 a.m. when she
intentionally hit a Bronco being driven on the wrong side of the road by a man
who was looking for his cat, said Sandy Police Sgt. Victor Quezada. After
everyone got out of their vehicles, the woman began pushing, hitting and kicking
the two men in the Bronco, police said. The woman got into the vehicle she hit
and attempted to drive off. When it wouldn't go, she got out and retrieved her
car keys and began walking. She followed a 14-year-old girl who was walking out
of a nearby house, until a bystander told the teen to get back inside, police
said. The woman pounded and kicked opened the door of the house, police said.
There was no relation between the woman and the people living in the house.
Police arrived, but said the woman accused them of being fake officers and
resisted arrest. They quickly took her into custody. Authorities admitted her
into Alta View Hospital and later to the University of Utah Hospital where she
is being evaluated. The two men in the other vehicle suffered only minor
scrapes. Police arrested the woman on suspicion of aggravated assault, leaving
the scene of an accident, trespassing and lewdness.

Sandy. The land of Zany Nekkid Ladies and Meth.

Yep, the world hates America, especially Europe...

...Hmmm, that must be why the people of Germany, France, and most recently Italy have elected leaders who ran, RAN, on a pro-American agenda as part of their campaign platforms. Well, you can never really tell with those fickle and silly Italians with all their wine and fine lovemaking and esquisite dishes to think about all the time, because they did oust Berlusconi at a time when it wasn't fashionable (in the truest sense, as is everything when it comes to that silly, silly people) to have a pro-American leader, before they put him back in control a couple weeks ago. Now England is following the same trend, in an election where conservatives delivered the worst beating to leftists in 40 years, and where, most appropriately, the anti-American intergalactic asshole mayor of London gets his shit kicked by Gary fucking Busey of the Tory Party. Hope he starts a family political dynasty, then we'll get to see more of Jake Busey in the future.


Sean: Dude. That guy looks just like Busey. I wonder if he just wants a little kiss from Johnny Depp. Well, Euros aren't completely stupid. For all the base anti-US preening, they know deep down what's up in their neck of the woods. They see it every day. I mean does Belgium even exist anymore? Barely.

Uranium- the New Blow

Geez. I had no idea you could snort that shit. Well, we know what I'll be doing this weekend...Was that chills that just went up my spine or is that just a side effect of me nose-vacuuming a Z of yellowcake off some shiny titties?

Rumor of war

Hopefully this will finally conclude the far overdone saga of He who looks like Cartman (nod to Natureboy for the title of the saga). By all accounts this is a different Iraq, and I get the feeling that Monsignor Orangutan-teeth is gonna get whacked, fast, either by our boys or, most likely, by Iraqis themselves, as people are probably tired of his bullshit by now.
Was watching a program about American Marines based in the formerly deadly, and now pacified, areas of Iraq; peaceful areas where they complained that they couldn't "be Marines" in. They talked of their need to be in Afghanistan now that they've done their job in Iraq. Maybe now they'll get their wish and "get some" with He who looks like Cartman to alleviate the blue balls that have set in in peaceful Anbar.

Sean: Sweet. Kill that fat fucker and do it YESTERDAY!

One of the greatest additions to the internet since youtube

Trey and Matt have created a free website providing every episode of South Park in high quality streaming video, as well as clips from all of the episodes for emailing and embedding. Here's a good one from the episode "Smug Alert".




Sean: Sweet. Vid quality is actually good. I'm beginning to hate Youtube because of that. Full disclosure: I sometimes sniff my own farts when I'm feeling righteous too.

Tom: yeah I'm beginning to hate Youtube as well. Quality mostly sucks and they're now censoring--banning way too much stuff for PC and seemingly other political reasons. Thanks, Youtube, for making it your duty to protect us.

Grim Milestone of Grim Milestones

(AP 2008, Scipio). Five years and almost 20,000 Grim Milestones after the invasion of Iraq by George Bush, Halliburton and some destitute black teenagers from the inner city with no other opportunities, Americans are marking the Grim Anniversary by holding Grim Milestones of their own across the country.

The Associated Press caught up with a vibrant and colorful flock of Hippies, known properly as a "protest", marking the Grim Milestone in the bustling metropolis of Scipio, Utah.

Luna Moonpants, a local peace envisionist, when questioned about the purpose of the event replied, "What with all of the Grim Milestones going on, it only seemed appropriate to bring to the attention of all Amerikkkans this approaching Milestone of such Grimness. That and the weed. It's bomber wicked...Cough."

Much of the same somber tone of remembrance could be found among the other attendees. Stinky McGee, a local juggling stick artisan, echoed the poignant sentiment so prominently on display, stating, "Where's Phish? I heard that Phish was gonna be here! Wooo Hooo!", he said, pausing only to vomit a little between the "Woo" and the "Hoo".

Later today, in the apex of events here in Scipio, a mass "Head-Tilt of Compassion" will mark the exact moment of of the 20,000th Grim Milestone, signifying the sadness and sorrow of this group of solemn Americans, who prefer to be called by the more compassionate sounding "Earthicans".

With a Grimness bought only with years of Iree bong-rips, the Grim Milestone of Grim Milestones, now 20,000 and counting, marches on, lock-step with the horribly unsyncopated drum-circles and whirly dance stylings witnessed here today. Oh, and Abu Ghraib.

Happy... Er, Pagan-Christian Day!

Got this from Ace. Thought it was gooood:


Happy Easter!

Attacked by Plastic

Is anybody else absolutely mortified by the current trend of butchering perfectly good gargoyles? Don't get me wrong, we all want our ladies looking like a Shera doll (left), but the sheer amount of silicon is now officially threatening the computer industry. Forget about Peak Oil, I'm talking about Peak Silicon.

So imagine my dismay at the discovery of yet another set of pumped 3M uber-mammories that destroys one of my prized adolescent obsessions. None other than the Sacred Twins of Salvation themselves.

The link shows that this information is more than a few years old, proving that even those of us blessed with the Natural Spidey Sense can be fooled. The Mamocide must be stopped!

Tom: yeah bro, I know what you mean (don't click link if you are easily induced to nausea).

Obama is Toast

Just sayin. Unfortunately that doesn't bode well for the RethugliKKKans. I think Billary does much better against Mccain than the Second Coming of Hopyness.

Justice for Blues Singer

Famed blind homeless guy turned singer of the blues, Robert Bradley, to become next Governor of New York. When the "gubbna" just won't leave a poor man alone, or keep his damn hand out of a man's pocket, what is a man to do? Answer: tear that muthafucka down and become the gubbna. Congrats Mr. Bradley. I, for one, have been hoping for this day to come for you, your cat and dog, and your car in the garage.


Sean: Sweet. I love Robert Bradley. Saw him a couple of times at Ye Old Zephyr (Peace Be Upon Her). Seems like the perfect fit for a once-proud state that's singin' the blues.

Holy Crap. No friggin way.

Got this from Frank J.:



I, like IMAO, thought this was some fancy video edited parody, but apparently not. This guy really is delusional. Selling Universal Disarmament as a campaign promise in the middle of WW3? I always knew that lefties spent waaaaay too much time in the echo-chamber, but thought their political front runners at least smart enough to recognize a dog rectum when they see one. I guess not. This guy will get his chode punched in the general. This, along with this, points to why I am now officially pulling for Obama. His face will get ground into the dirt by a rightfully fearful electorate. Hillary isn't this stupid and has a good chance at Mccain. "YES WE CAN!*"

*- Turn into well-done graham crackers by 2012.

McCain as Churchill figure

Could be the best political ad I've ever seen, actually. McCain to provide a Churchill-style leadership--pretty good idea.




Sean: Wow. Pretty powerful evocation of Churchill and Teddy. Incredibly emotional, and I mean that in a good way. I think McCain realizes that the other side will be tugging on the heart-strings pretty hard. Love the shot of him enjoying a rare cigarette while in purgatory

Sordid Utah: Cap'n Nemo

Part one in an ongoing series about unique persons of Utahdom, INFDL takes a look at Eugene "Captain Nemo" Woodland:

From the Deseret News:

The killer known as "Captain Nemo" is proclaiming his innocence in the 1990 murder of a Sandy contractor, insisting he was framed in a fantastic story of world record-setting jet boats, stolen money and a suspect in Spain.

Sweet. Just... Sweet. It continues:

In 1990, he shot and killed Bruce Larson at a Holladay building that Woodland had sought to turn into "Captain Nemo's Dinner Theater Atlantis & Fitness Center." Woodland had lost the building in a bankruptcy proceeding and Larson later bought it. Woodland confronted Larson and shot him five times in front of six people at the construction site. A construction worker was shot trying to tackle Woodland.

But to hear Woodland tell the story on Tuesday, he was framed. He blamed Larson's death on the man's business partner, whom he accused of stealing money and hiding out in Spain to thwart Woodland's attempts at proving his innocence.

Dude. "Captain Nemo's Dinner Theater Atlantis & Fitness Center."? Anybody for some nice squats between fried fish-chunks and slaw?

Questions have been raised about Captain Nemo's mental state. After being arrested, he was sent to the Utah State Hospital after his own defense attorneys raised questions about his competency. Woodland continues to insists he is not mentally ill and has refused any treatment.

"Medicine might be able to help you," parole board vice-chairman Clark Harms told him.
"No, I take vitamins and I don't drink coffee and carbonation. It gives you tumors and tumors turn cancerous," he replied. "So I'm a health nut. I really am." "Without appropriate mental health treatment, you are likely to stay here for the rest of your life," Harms told him. "The board is not going to release you until we think you're safe. The folks here at the prison ... are telling us you still represent a danger to yourself and others."

During his hearing Tuesday, Woodland tried to reason with Harms and blame questions of mental illness on a world record-setting jet boat ride. He once owned a fish-shaped, jet powered boat called the "Nautilus Missile." "When they started to listen to my jet boat and what I did, they thought I was crazy," he said. "My daughter sent letters to the board saying, 'You ought to keep dad in there, 'cause he'll get back in the boat to try to capture the record."'

You can't cook this shit up. Perhaps there is a conspiracy, though. "Nautilus Missile" was my nickname in high school. I love Utah.

Sordid Utah: An Ongoing Series

We Utahrds at INFDL would like to celebrate our states' storied and colorful history of crazies with an ongoing series called Sordid Utah. We don't know if there's something in the water, or if there's just too much water in our beer, but we've had some real fukkin pinwheel-hat doozies.

Tom: Although alot of people assume that most of the nutbags of america live in the state of my current residence, Florida, many are unawares of Utah's colorful tradition in this category...I look forward to contributing to this ongoing series.

Confusion in Enviroland

Everybody who knows me has, at one time or another, called me by my alter ego Nature Boy. Perhaps it was the big fro (for a mostly white guy) or perhaps it's just the way I smell. In any case, I tend to get all riled up on issues concerning the environment. Having abandoned the old stale model of environmentalism, instead focusing on market-based solutions, I often take great enjoyment in torturing my former brothers-in-arms, still dutifully slaving away for the cause, living on soybeans and brown rice. For the most part, they are all very serious about what they do. They live meager lives on purpose, to show their dedication to Gaia and to prove a point that I happen to agree with; that we need to live as efficiently as possible, so that our species can go on living for another two or three thousand years.

But there's the rub. Many in the movement don't want humans to be around for the next few millennia. Instead, they want us to be sacrificed at the alter of a vengeful Mother Goddess Gaia and to really teach us a lesson. In this camp we find groups like Earth Liberation Front, who have taken on the self-appointed role of Gaia's KGB, jealously guarding her honor, even if it means kicking her ass twice instead of once. This article will clarify my point:

Federal authorities strongly suspect that the Earth Liberation Front is responsible for a series of fires that have destroyed four multi-million dollar show homes in a suburb north of Seattle, sources told ABC News. Officials said the fires are being investigated as acts of domestic terror, but they cautioned that it's too early in the investigation to make any solid determinations. The blazes began before dawn Monday and were still smoldering by late morning.

So, in an effort to cleans the Earth of its burden of human filth, ELF has decided to have these massive homes built not once, but twice. Have these chode-punchers ever heard of insurance? Make no mistake, those homes will be rebuilt, just like all of the other ones they've torched, effectively doubling the impact on the Sacred People's Mother Goddess Chumalungma. This is to say nothing of the toxic burnt-plastic runoff that will surely find its way into the trout stream that they are "protecting". Brilliant, but then logic usually doesn't hold serve against emotion, especially when those emotions are being harbored by socially stunted, semi-homeless free loaders with nothing of importance to say.

This brings me to my second point. Where the hell is the Sierra Club or Greenpeace in all of this? Why no decisive denuciation of such senseless harm to the Mother Womb-Queen of Dirt? Could it be that, deep in the black, hardened enviro-heart, they are secretly cheering them on? Is this too many questions in a row?

Waterboarding in Utah County

Dude, some of the shit coming outa down south gives me the creepazoids. For mad reals. Who's running the show down there, the CIA? Or Halli-evil-devil-burton?

Tom: gotta love those Utah Co. entrepreneurs--all of 'em fighting for the same small piece of the pie. X-treme sales pep rallies are pretty common down in Cougar Country, if I recall, and most of the dudes that I knew who were in those kind of businesses were already pretty turbo to begin with.

World's Shittiest Guitar Solo

Feast on this!




Sean: Holy shit, that sucked. I love how he just abandons the solo and runs some back-up riffs instead. Well, nobody ever accused him of being a good guitarist and it doesn't make him any less fabulous. It almost reminds me of the "shredding" solos that guy did that got banned on Youtube. You, know, he'd take an Eddie solo and dub in his own really shiddy licks. I'll try to find them.

Update (Sean): Wired has all of the "Shredder" videos posted here. Truly hilarious and well worth your time. Word is that Steve Vai's agent had them pulled from Youtube.

William F. Buckley Jr. RIP

Reportedly passed away at his desk. The man started the modern conservative movement. Modern as in non-Birch. He had that rare combination of being graceful and devastating as a commentator. NRO has republished his seminal first piece from National review in 1955. RIP.

Tom: may he rest peacefully in the great debonaire gentleman's club in the sky.

Scary Jesus

Pretty much sums up my twenties. Thanks to American Digest.

One example of the value of AP analysis

Wow, the AP has some real fucking nincompoops churning out that Sinclair-esque sausage they like to call "news". Last night, SNL had Mike Huckabee do a guest spot, which was actually funny, to his credit. The AP was on it thusly:

Even though Mike Huckabee is still battling for the Republican presidential nomination despite long odds, he said Saturday he won’t “overstay his welcome.” Then he did precisely that, lingering on the “Weekend Update” set of “Saturday Night Live” despite repeated cues to leave the stage....he remained seated at the “Update” desk even though [the host Seth Meyers] made it clear it was time for him to leave.

Problem is, it was clearly a scripted part of the segment, as anyone with a minimalist sense of humor can plainly see (this would even qualify the Amish, as well as Bevan Briggs, but not Junior over at AP).
Conclusion: Don't ever invite one of those AP bore-a-phyls to your party, they are blood sucking comedy killers, man.

Deseret Industries, Land of the Strange

I've seen some wicked weird shit at Deseret Industries in my time. From masturbating homeless people to fully-grown people defecating in their pants in the checkout line, but this really takes the cake. It ends with a turn for the macabre:

Emery said she returned with her husband to discuss the incident with store managers and call police. When officers arrived, the man appeared in the store parking lot, wearing his own white jumpsuit under a trench coat and a hockey mask on his face. Police arrested him and are seeking a charge of unlawful detention.

As a person who has spent many an hour spooking about the local D.I., mostly in search of rare vinyl, I must say that for some reason, this doesn't surprise me.

Tom: bro, you tend to see more wierd shit than any other person (such as the time when that polygamist family's kid shat his pants in your van out in the desert). It must have something to do with all the whack places you choose to spend your time, in addition to the Deseret Industries. Places such as Delta, Utah; Elko, Nevada; and Death (F'n) Valley. Actually sounds sorta fun, I do love me some of them Twilight Zone moments mysselff.

Return of the Salt Lake Sharia

This just won't go away. Somali taxi drivers, almost exclusively driving for Yellow Cab, the worst taxi service in the country, and a rogue shuttle driver, have locked horns over the use of a so-called "quiet room" at SLC International Airport. This Brueningsen guy is obviously more than a little sensitive to the situation and is probably a poster-boy of how not to integrate an immigrant population, but what he brings up is really a question of separation of church and state. You know, the same separation that the ACLU depends upon to collect their checks.

Brueningsen wasn't the only one who complained over the years, although he was the only one to do so formally, but Gann says the airport was generally able to address people's issues. For example, when some cabbies complained about Muslim drivers washing their feet in the bathroom, the airport opened a janitor's closet so the mop sink could be used for ritual washing. The airport spoke to the taxi company owners, telling them to convey messages of concern. But between degrees of separation, language and cultural barriers, it's hard to know what every Muslim driver understood.

So, is it really appropriate for quasi-public institutions like airports to convert mop closets into Islamic foot-washing stations? We also get the message pounded home that Brueningsen is a xenophobic, aggressive redneck:

The whole situation befuddles Clancy Prescott, 60, a Marine veteran who's driven a cab for nearly 20 years and is called "Grandpa" by a group of young Somali drivers who hang out and share food with him. "Other than this guy, I don't know anyone else who's complained," he says. "Why should he care if they pray or not? It don't bother me." The shuttle driver's antics don't surprise Thomas Howard, a Park City attorney who represented one of Brueningsen's former employers starting in 2002. He recalls the incessant harassment of his client, which required the lawyer to file for a restraining order. "The guy's an absolute troublemaker, in my opinion," Howard says.

Good, now we are finished being all "balanced" and shit. The "quiet room" has been closed and we can all move on, right? Well, there are those types of spaces scattered about airports all across America, but most with completely different set-ups:

This saddens Tarek Nosseir of the Islamic Society of Greater Salt Lake, who says he's used "quiet spaces" inside some of the country's largest airports. If he can use them as a passenger, shouldn't drivers serving passengers be entitled to the same? The difference, explains Rutan, is that nondenominational chapels in airports are leased to a third party. If a third party wanted to lease a space for drivers, such a facility would be cleared for takeoff. Meantime, port-o-potties with little sinks are the best Muslim drivers, all drivers, can expect.

Seems reasonable enough to me to have a third-party lease account for this demand to pray in public. I for one don't care if and when people pray to Allah/God/Gaia or Oprah, but I do object to one side or the other prohibiting the others' own displays of piousness. I should point out that, based upon my own limited experience, many Utah Muslims from Somalia are quite traditional, much more so than their more established Pakistani and Middle Eastern counterparts (if I may indulge myself with a gross oversimplification). But as they mature in their new lifes as Americans, I hope we see them integrate. I'm not asking them to abandon their faith, just to realize that along with their new life comes the peculiarly American tradition of derision and satire that the Jews, Evangelicals, Mormons, Atheists, etc. have endured for the last century. It's the time-honored tradition of sarcasm and childish name-calling that makes this country great.

It's really just a matter of time. Just the other day I was leaving the grocery store and as I approached my car, I was assaulted by the bone-crushingly crappy beat of Lil John, they're all the same damned beat, cranking at about 120db. It was the car next to mine and the racket had knocked the front bumper off the car. It was chock full of teenage African immigrants, all decked out in Dirty South Garb, obviously high as fuck, laughing their asses off. Maybe that integration will be complete sooner than I thought, whether their Imams like it or not.

That Didn't Take Long

We always knew that the press would turn on their darling McCain when he won the Republican nomination, but I'm surprised they didn't wait at least until the race for the democratic nominee was over.

Did McCain trade political favors for sexual ones? If so, icky. I'm witholding judgement though.


SEAN: You're right Noah. Icky indeed. What this exposes is the NYTs' utter confusion as an institution and lack of tact. Didn't they just endorse McCain? If you read through the comments, even utter lefties are disappointed with their trusted source for news. Ace of Spades links to The New Republic, of all places, for the background on the story about the story. A reporter resigns, the entire newsroom in battle, etc. Weird stuff that probably helps McCain in the long run methinks. Hell of a way to ring in the general election, though. I think this fires up the base and gets McCain rolling.

Exit question: Was I way off in thinking McCain gets knocked out by Obama? The more I see Obama, the more I think he's a lightweight.

Picture of the Month February

Fat Down Syndrome lady Micheal Moore wants to bring Fidel to the Oscars. Then he ate a bowl of ketchup and two sticks of butter, slowly rocking back and forth in his favorite slippers, moaning lightly.

Tom: pretty damn funny.

Castro's Beard Resigns

No statement yet from John Bolton's Mustache. No saying how he'll find a new home for all of the Revolutionary People's Beard-Termites.

Asshat Tinpot Dictator Going Fishing

If only he could buy a fishing pole. See you, sucker. If there was any justice in the world, his people would have skinned him and hung him upside down from a broken lamp post in Havana fifty years ago. Now his brother is king. I hope they both die soon. Assholes.

Iowa's Holy Rollers

What did they accomplish? One downed eligible candidate. Captain Ed Morrissey lays it square.

Please, no more government solutions

In these times, with the ever-present media blitz that the plummeting Real Estate market has caused, many politicians think what the people really want is some kind of government-based solution to the markets' woes, as shown in the bullshit stimulus package that slipped out of congress and Bush’s' asses last week. At the same time hearing, even from the GOP frontrunner, the same old crap about "corporate responsibility" and "greedy corporate interests", it's important to recognize the disasters that have befallen the business world following the implementation of these so-called solutions. Sarbanes-Oxley, the infamous Enron laws, have had a lasting negative impact on all sectors of our economy and I'm sad to report that the corporate business environment in Europe and Asia are thriving compared to the USA. This article at City Journal lays it all out there for your inspection. Then you can grieve with me about the sad state of business in this country.

Mitt Bows Out

This is how it's done. No fanfare, no wobbling along for six more weeks. Mitt was a fine candidate and this move might be his most deft. He now puts the impetus on Fuckabee to do the same or be exposed for what he is: a Republican Jimmy Carter whose raw lust for power overshadows any policy stances that he might possess, all in the name of Jesus. Mitt's not VP material and he knows how McCain will be slaughtered come November. He then positions himself, as McCain did this year, as a more familiar face for 2012, but with more money and no crappy record in the Senate to deal with. That is, if we survive until 2012.

The great unspoken? The root cause? Most Evangelicals hate Mormons. The result? GOP is toast in November. Happy day.

Tom: agreed that Mitt's move was a good strategic one. And now Mike Fuckeefuckee, McCain's little buddy, has lost his reason of being. In a way, it's as if Mitt has called him out, leaving him to now actually run against McCain. It'll be fun to see him squirm, though I imagine he'll end his little game pretty soon now. A debate between those two would be absolutely pathetic, both would be rubbing each other's balls the whole time.

Why Young People Don't Listen to Classical Anymore

Short answer: because of humorless "Charles Winchester the Third" butt-punchers like this. Speaking on the oh, so annoying propensity toward scurrilous "expression" that so many young classical performers possess, Wendle K. Douchepants, Jr., writing in the Old Saggy Nutsack points out, rather down-the-nose:

Wandering from one television channel to the next the other day, I came across young people playing the piano. One man, bearded and a little hefty, rippled through a Beethoven sonata, sharing with the camera complicit smiles, exultant grimaces, gazes to the right and left, and a gentle swaying from side to side.

Arthur Rubinstein was known for keeping his head and torso still while playing.
The next, a young woman, sat down to Schumann, bending her back, lifting her head and gazing straight up. Maybe God was sitting in the rafters just above her, and she was using the opportunity to say hello. Both pianists were perfectly fluent. They kept time, played the right notes and sounded expressive when they were supposed to.

I had to turn away. I could listen, but I couldn’t watch. Two performers, four glazed eyes and four waving arms were too much for my stomach. And if someone with a lifelong love for the piano repertory has this kind of reaction, what about those coming to classical music from the outside? Think of the smart young people ready to believe, filled with curiosity and good thoughts, and imagine with what astonishment and amusement they must come away from such scenes.

It’s another reason classical music is not reaching more young people: not because of how it sounds, but because of how it looks. Even worse, lugubrious gymnastics like these advertise the feelings of performers, not of Beethoven or Schumann. Music is asked to stand in line and wait its turn.

No, my snooty clueless pantywaste, YOU are the reason young people aren't flocking to Classical like they used to. The "old guard" of Classical (and the New York Times itself) simply needs to die. Diatribes like these do nothing to catch the imagination of young people, in fact they do the opposite. Classical music has a rich history of rebellion and base expression and the current mantra of publicly subsidized, politically correct orchestras fails to acknowlege this history. Faced with the stale, moth-ball sensibility of the old "Stoic Granduer" set, creative young people give a collective yawn. They then open up an instance of Nuendo, send a chat message to their Polish counterpart and create complete collaborative scores of fantastic music in real-time, only to return to finish off the enemy in Halo 3 two hours later. And that drives Winston, Buffy and crew fucking crazy.

INFDL endorses....

Okay, since so much hinges on the outcome of today's Super Tuesday primaries, it's now appropriate to announce INFDL's endorsements. First of all, I endorse the fact that Barrack Obama would be the cheesiest president ever. I can just imagine his speeches on mundane issues like fiduciary currency and trade agreements while getting his "inspiration on" so we all come away feeling more hope in ourselves. So, with my man Rudy now outta the race due to his campaign's pathetic strategery and flaccid penis effort, I gotta go with choice number two, Mitt "the shitt" Romney. Used to think this guy was just a boy scout, who kept his nose too clean to know anything, but that was before I actually listened to the man. Easily the sharpest candidate in the past while. So, for those of you who have been waiting to hear our endorsements before you make your vote, here is one-third of the INFDL team saying to rock the vote for "Too Legit" Mitt. As for Sean and Noay, their endorsements will probably come sometime soon, but I don't think Noah will be voting for Huckabee despite the Chuck Norris endorsement.


Sean: My processs of elimination was very similar to TomAys', with Fred Thompson occupying space, instead of Rudy, deep in the heart of the Nature Boy. I love Fred. Just love him. I am also fond of Mrs. Thompson's ample bosom. That he was just running a ruse for the VP slot ruinned me emotionally for about 30 minutes and with the passing of Fred back into Law and Order, the next logical choice was the Mittster. The more I actually paid attention to him, the more I liked what he had to say. Also, the thought of an actual businessman in the White House seemed prudent given Bush and Congress' big-spending ways. Alas, it is not to be. Many Evangelicals hate Mormons, period, to the point that they will throw their support behind and ass-monkey like Fuckabee. So, we're left with McCain. If I wasn't afraid for civilization, I'd consider voting for Hillary, but upon the revalation that Sandy Berger is one of her foreign policy guys, I'd rather scoop my balls out of my sack with a wooden spoon.

Sharia in SLC

Thanks to LGF for pointing this out. It seems some Taxi drivers have had enough Sharia at the SLC airport to last a life time:

Shuttle driver Jeff Brueningsen took photos inside the building he and other drivers share at the airport. "It was definitely an Islamic center." He said it didn't feel right, so he filed a complaint with the FAA against the airport.

"In proper, polite company you never bring up politics or religion. And they introduced both instantly into what's supposed to be a professional, secular transportation-aviation facility," Brueningsen said.

In the complaint he details claims that he was harassed by a group of Muslim drivers who he says have threatened to kill him. It came to a head earlier this month when Brueningsen says Mohammed Alahmed and other drivers attacked him.

"They were going like this, using their fingers, saying, ‘You F-ing Jew, you don't want us to pray here,'" Brueningsen says.

Alahmed says it was the other way around, that Brueningsen tried to stop him from praying.

"He say the F word against me, and I didn't do anything. And he grabbed me from my shirt and hit me with his hand," Alahmed said.

Airport police investigated and charged only Brueningsen with assault. Shortly after, the airport closed the building, and Muslim drivers began praying outside. No one was happy.

You don't say. Here's part of what I posted in the LGF comments:

In the 90's, Salt Lake became a haven for many refugees because of the cheap cost of living and surplus of jobs. As a commercial Real Estate Broker I can tell you, there re quite a few wealthy upstanding Muslim citizens in town. The Islamic society of Salt Lake is generally a very patriotic and law-abiding entity on the scene. The West Valley Mosque is one of the largest in the West. That being said, I can tell you exactly where these aggressive cab drivers are from: Somalia. Not Pakistan, Saudi Arabia or Iran, Somalia. The Somalis are some of the most pious and traditional Muslims I've ever dealt with. I once had a Somali tenant that I was forced to drop because he made a request something along the lines of:

"We need the landlord to install a separate window to the butcher room for women to stand in line separate form the men."

Assimilation is the main problem here. A simple refusal to integrate into the community. Perhaps it has something to do with being "new" or recent immigrants, I don't know, but I felt like I was standing in Mogadishu for a few minutes.

Review - There Will Be Blood - Now With More Shiny Spoiler

I still feel sort of icky. This flick hit me like that slasher/sex-with-fat-chick-nightmare one has after a night cuddling a bottle of cheap Sherry after snorting an Ambien. Never mind. At once horrifying and calming, I can say with assurance that I've never had an experience like this at the multiplex. Much has been said of PT Anderson's quest to demonise capitalism and religion with this movie, but those elements didn't compute for me. Instead, on purpose or not, he ends up creating an engrossing mood so powerful that the mood overshadows the plot, sometimes to it's detriment. More often than not, what I felt I was watching was an experiment to see how alternately uncomfortable and comfortable he could make the experience for the viewer, but with such thematic and visual flair that one easily forgets the "rules", whatever they are, of movie making.

The landscapes and set pieces are gorgeous. In one scene, some of the most innovative work I've ever seen involves simple silhouettes as we see the oil derrick ablaze with the alien outlines of oil workers set against massive flames. Soon, we're on the bucolic central California coast, swimming under golden hills. Then a brutal act of violence. Scene after scene, Andersen sets out to disturb the viewer, with the help of RadioHead guitarist Johnny Greenwood's at times ultra-dissonant score. I was happy to pick out moving passages from Estonian composer Arvo Part and some Brahms as well. I must say that much of the score seems heavily derivative of Hungarian composer Gyogi Ligetis' work with quartets. Massive passages seem like they owe themselves to Ligeti's 3rd Quartet in particular. I don't know if it was part homage to the man or not, but I couldn't help but notice the raw similarity. The score mostly succeeds, and does so very well. I liked that against the more jarring passages, we also have some nice theme work to provide respite. It follows the film with incredible accuracy, many times becoming a charachter in the scenes alongside the absolutely bat shit, insanely incredible performance by Daniel Day Lewis as Daniel Plainview. No wonder he so rarely makes a film. It looks exhausting. Completely restrained one moment and a torrent of rage the next, his will be a performance that's studied by movieheads (like me) and actors for decades to come.

Paul Dano has been hailed in his portrayal of Eli and Paul Sunday in the film. Me, ehh, not so much. While Dano does an admirable job and plays the part within his abilities, he fails to convince in the more flamboyant scenes. It's in these moments that we are supposed to take Sunday on as the films' counterweight, but Dano fails to convince. His visage is all prairie-Bakersfield, but his delivery is anything but evangelical. In fairness, there are very few souls who could counterweight Day Lewis in this meaty opportunity.

As a person familiar with Central Valley/NW Mojave oil and mining history, it was disappointing to see the plot-tool treatment of the religious congregations. The pious, rather than playing an essential role in the development of the region, are like the "unknown" Smurfs that littered the background behind Papa, Smurfette and co., just so much blue in the background. Reduced to stiff mannequins shouting hallelujah, we get nothing from their presence other than people for Daniel Plainview to hate and Eli Sunday to con. On to the last movement, we see Daniel Plainview as a wretched-old-rich-man cliche ending with the cherry on top, when PT Anderson exorcises his personal hangups with religion as Plainview simply bludgeons them to death with a bowling pin in a fit of rage that had many audience members laughing out loud.

Despite its shortcomings, what unfolds is an absolutely singular movie experience that sticks to your ribs for a long while, on par with Aguire the Wrath of God and Badlands, neither of which were perfect either. I highly recommend this movie. I know it's a cliche, but it is a masterpiece. As I left the theater, I half expected to see caked-up oil gook under my fingernails and I still, three days later, feel a little dirty.

Uno Mas, Por Favor

This made my day. If proven true, I'll live longer than Moses.